Vent about sub feedback

My sub told me her needs aren’t being met and that something is missing from the dynamic. I kept a good attitude and said “Okay, tomorrow we can talk about your desires and maybe it’s time we introduce some low level protocol,” and she started telling me that it had to be more than protocol and that she needs structure.

So I was like “Oh so you need me to hold you accountable to pursuing your goals to feel dominated?” And she said yes and then I reminded her that I’ve been trying to hold her accountable but if the way I do it is too inconsistent or too “vanilla” I’ll just factor that in to our discussion about establishing protocol.

Like, what is more structured than protocol? I know it would help me a ton and at the end of the day if she wants to feel owned, conquered and dominated 24/7, I will only be able to do that with clear guidelines that we both plan out and consent to ahead of time.

But then the longer the conversation progressed the more she kept bringing up stuff she needed me to change while I kept talking about collaborative solutions that would require both of us to work together. Everything she mentioned I need to do are things I thought I was doing, btw, and when I asked for specifics, she said she needs time to think. I’m fine with her needing more time but I also felt like this feedback is very unproductive. She is always talking about writing a list and I always try to do the things on the list but most of the time it’s the lack of communication that stops us from acting on it.

I told her it sounds like she’s blaming me for a problem than can only be fixed if we both make changes and she got all sad and said I’m misunderstanding her. She said the she was going to list everything she knows she needs to do better but like… why are we taking an inventory of everything we are failing at when we’ve gone over this a million times already?

She needs me to be confident. Check. I worked on it and now I’m confident. She needs me to be organized. Check. I’ve proven to her that I can be organized. She needs me to lead. Check. I’ve been leading. But nevertheless she doesn’t feel dominated, which is fine, but instead of focusing on a shared goal she wants to give me more items on a checklist. When I pointed this out she mentioned that if I’d given her time to speak she would have given herself a checklist too, but I’m sorry I don’t want a check list of all the ways she and I are supposedly lacking. I want a proactive solution. She said she’d love to have protocol be a part of our daily life, so what’s the problem???

I was sympathetic, but like… wtf?! If I were to be a doormat she would lose all interest in me but when I gently but firmly say “I feel like your blaming me for a problem that requires both our effort,” she cries?!

Last thing I’ll add is that I love my little kitten and I will continue to have patience with her. I’ll also continue to seek wisdom from elder D-types in my local BDSM community.