I can’t stop.

20F. Lesbian. I’ve been doing horrible this entire semester. Ever since I got sent to the psych ward I have to cut constantly as a way to have control. My friend described it best,

“i know it's pure emotion feeding you this. it's adrenaline from pain, from the feeling of being in control of how you feel. it's the one certainty in your life besides misery so you crave it at all times.”

Regardless, I’ve just decided I’m completely and utterly worthless. Just completely. My friends probably think of me as a burden, and rightfully so, I’m downright pathetic. Nobody I like ends up feeling the same, and if they do, I’m overbearing and fuck it up, or I get scared and sabotage it. I’m gonna be alone forever by habit of ruining everything. I guess a tipping point was a girl I’ve liked for almost a year now started dating a man (I overheard it) and it just sucks to hear another lesbian finds me so repulsive she chose a man over me.