Feeling stuck. Looking for advice.

My ex and I dated for about a year and a half before we ended things. We're about the same age, mid-thirties, but I'm about a year older than him. Turned out that the pressure of being in a serious relationship, especially when I had some difficult things going on in my life that I was dealing with, just got to be too much for him. He admitted that he is afraid of the commitment and responsibility that come with a long-term relationship.

After being broken up for a few months and going nc, we started talking again (I initiated) and we had some honest and vulnerable conversations about what went wrong with our relationship. He even started going to therapy for a little while.

We've been on and off sleeping together and borderline dating for about another year since reconnecting. I've dated some other people in between but keep going back to him. This last stretch has been going well for the past 6 months but we still aren't putting a label on it and agreed that if we want to pursue another connection romantically/sexually that we will tell each other about it.

Ultimately, I would love it if he felt ready to try again for a real relationship at some point in the future, but I don't want to put any pressure on him and genuinely don't want a relationship with someone who doesn't want one with me. I'm trying to just enjoy his company and everything that comes along with it but feel like there's gotta be an expiration date to whatever we're doing here.

I also think I have a mostly-healed disorganized attachment style and that he trends more on the dismissive avoidant side - he likes when things feel light and fun but still has been there for me through some pretty serious stuff. I care about him deeply and wonder if I'm just hurting myself by staying in this gray space with him or if maybe this is what we need to grow more and be ready to try again someday.

On most days I'm completely fine with our arrangement and truly feel like it's all I have the capacity for anyway. Then other days I get anxious and worry that he's going to freak out again and bolt, or find someone else he does want to commit to, which would honestly be the most devastating outcome.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this before? Would love any advice or input on the situation. My friends are probably sick of hearing his name at this point..