Some thoughts 💭 on my first year of having a doodle!

I’ve got some things on my mind about being a doodle/dog owner that I wanted to share and vent. It’s long and ok if you don’t want to read, but as I approach my first year of having a mini goldendoodle for a pet, I’ve observed some things.

I’ve been a lucky dog owner for most of my adult life. We got our first dog, a beautiful female red golden retriever, that we named Bayliss, from an ad in the newspaper. She lived for 10 glorious years. We were new in our marriage, bought a house, started a family and all grew up together in that time. She taught us a lot about being a good pet parents. When she died, it was my first profound loss. We waited a bit to allow ourselves to heal and got a gorgeous male golden retriever, Brody, from a breeder. We went through the process of picking him out after he was born and watched him grow. The breeder was out of state, so he flew here and when my husband went to pick him up at the airport, they had taken him out of the crate and he was running around the terminal with wild abandon! He came home and it was love at first sight. That dog filled our hearts with happiness. For almost 15 years the sun rose and fell with him. He was everything to us and when he got sick, we did what we could and when it became clear that his quality of life was not what it should be, we made the heartbreaking decision to say goodbye. We didn’t come up for air for over a year. Our hearts were beyond repair for a long time.

When I started to think maybe I could love again, I approached my husband and he wasn’t ready. I secretly looked at shelters and fantasized about what kind of dog I would want and what it might be like to have a dog in the house again. I noticed when looking at shelters there weren’t a lot of dogs in my area and what was available wasn’t what I felt would be a good fit for our family. Time elapsed and I kind of accepted that we would be a cat only house. We are obsessed with our cat, so it was hardly a compromise. We got Nina about 6 months before Brody passed and I truly believe she saved us. Loving her, daily litter changes and listening to her impatient meows whilst plating up her wet food were what kept us going. All this while earning her trust after her rough beginning was an honor.

One day last February, my son came in the room and said to look in our backyard. There was a gorgeous, long haired cat just sitting there on our porch. At first, I thought we were the lucky ones that had gotten chosen for the cat distribution system, but alas the cat ran and has since chosen another to live with (thanks to NextDoor). It was for the better because Nina is better as a solitary cat (we found that out when our daughter stayed with us temporarily with her 2 cats). The brief thought of having a second pet in the house seemed to awaken a desire to revisit the actual possibility of making that happen. We had a serious talk about what realistically we wanted vs what we could handle We are both in our 50’s. I have several chronic illnesses that can take me out for days at a time. My husband works full time from home and our adult (on the spectrum) son still lives with us. When Brody was at the end of his life, we had to do a lot to help him exist. Carrying him outside and down steps. Eventually one of us living with him on the same floor as to not traumatize him with the steps. Frequent baths and lots of accident clean ups that left us physically exhausted. We knew that doing that with an 80+lb dog in our 60’s wouldn’t be doable. We knew at that point a golden retriever was probably not a good idea. It’s all we knew and if I may toot our own horns, we raised 2 phenomenal, well behaved, amazing dogs. This led us to a doodle of some sort. Logically, goldendoodle since it would have a soupçons of golden retriever and poodle as well. We knew it had to be a mini because of our aging bodies. It was important to us that whatever dog we got wouldn’t be compared to Brody. That’s where we felt it was a good idea to go with something that had some retriever, but didn’t necessarily look and act like a retriever. Like a segue retriever if you will. We found a breeder that happened to have a mini goldendoodle that was 16 weeks and ready to come home. She warned us that this wasn’t going to be the same as raising a golden retriever. She informed us of the upkeep with grooming. She grilled us to make sure it was a good fit and not an impulsive purchase. We brought home Oscar on a cold February Saturday and he has forever changed us for the good. Most people were thrilled we had decided to bring a dog back into our lives. However, I got royally told off from my sister for shopping and not adopting. It was an ugly and judgement filled tell-off. It was also ignorant and full of misinformation. I won’t be made to feel guilty for getting a dog in whatever manner I choose. No one should. We went into this with open eyes and I’ve never regretted it once. Ok, maybe in the beginning when I was sleep deprived, but in my heart of hearts, zero regrets.

This leads me to why I’m here telling this story. First of all, this subreddit and the Puppy101 subreddit were instrumental to our success. I owe every one of you that has posted and commented a huge debt of gratitude. You all bring something special to this sub. I recently commented to one of your posts that without asking Oscar to heal us, he did so on his own. He immediately imprinted on us. Snuggles aplenty. His endless energy has brought us to life. The way he literally bounces when he walks brings out a joy. His temperament has meshed with our lives. He’s not perfect, nor should he be.

I noticed right away that some people have weirdly strong and clearly misplaced feelings about doodles. I became acutely aware that I was going to have to defend my decision to get the breed of dog that I did and I was resentful of that. As with everything in life, there are bad doodle owners. That’s not my fault and I won’t be held responsible for them. I’m also finding that because social media has run amok people have become accustomed to thinking that their opinions are required. And they really like doubling down on bad takes.

And this brings me why I’m here. In my brief time of having a goldendoodle, I’ve noticed that groomers are like a man/woman with a type. So, I’m a HUGE Columbo fan and there’s an episode where he goes to ask a guy some questions. This guy happens to be a hairdresser, named Darryl and he insists the only way he’s answering questions is to do so while cutting his hair. Columbo acquiesces and hoo boy, he comes away looking different. He’s interviewing a fella at the jewelry shop next door and the guy says “I like your hair…Darryl?” And that my friends is a groomer approaching a doodle. They desperately want to put every doodle in a poodle box. Nevermind the fact that what we’ve come to know as a poodle groom isn’t even standard, that’s a show groom. A standard poodle looks like a doodle. Fast forward to today, I’m on FaceBook and the groomer I had followed (but decided not to use because they only stamp out poodle grooms) posted a reel of some guy thinking he was being hilarious in making fun of doodle owners because they don’t want their “overpriced mixed breed” dog to look like a poodle. He just thought he was so funny and totally owning us with his cold, hard “truths”. The comments were predictably the same. And it got me to thinking how utterly lazy these folks are. The ones that have bad opinions and the groomers that don’t seem to realize the hard hitting videos they post aren’t the flex they think they are. A good groomer is one that first, helps educate the owner of what is to be expected if the dog shows up matted and even shows them how to properly comb through those multi layers of fur. A good groomer doesn’t make videos of a dog that’s matted to shame an owner, but rather does what needs to be done and then again, educates the owner. A good groomer respects the breed and actually learns all the nuances of the fur and style of cuts doesn’t just crank out “The Darryl”. I’ve been fortunate enough to find a groomer that after some trial and error has finally adapted to my desire to keep Oscar’s fur longer in the style of a non show poodle cut. He’s my little muppet in footie pj’s. I’ve trained Oscar to respect the upkeep with frequent combings and she never has to spend time dematting him. As doodle owners we need to start pushing back to this nonsense. Don’t let a groomer shame you for wanting to embrace a longer cut, do your due diligence by combing frequently, but speak with your wallet when they don’t treat you with respect. That FaceBook reel left a bad taste in my mouth, but also made me glad I didn’t ever take Oscar to a groomer that doesn’t respect customers like me that are actually educated in poodles and their fur and not just shaving on autopilot. Come summer, Oscar will get a cooler cut and he will be less muppet, but we make sacrifices for the greater good!

My long diatribe here has been cathartic in many ways and I thank everyone that chose to read this through. I know I’ve been loquacious, but I’m amongst my people here and if I can’t do it here, where?? I’ve learned so much from all of you over this almost last year and I look forward to engaging more! Here’s to loving and accepting our doodles for who they are and what we want them to be without letting others further influence our decisions! 🐾 ♥️