When does a crush or limerence turn into “love” if everything is reciprocated? Can it?

Long story short (I’ll try to make it short lol) I met a coworker about seven months ago. We started speaking pretty consistently and got along really well. Her and I are both in relationships (huge uh-oh, I know).

I started developing a crush. I told myself “it’s normal, just stay focused on reality”. But then I began focusing on her a lot mentally. I found out about limerence and this sub. So I then told myself “Okay, this is a mental fixation.” But I kept getting vibes she felt something too? One day…I had no idea how I built up the courage to ask…but I did. I pretty much asked her if there was something going on here. She confirmed with me she has been feeling the same. We talked about it. We just kind of said “Okay, we know. But we aren’t single. Let’s just be here for one another and support our relationships and go from there”. We still support each other’s relationships and advocate for one another.

So I started asking myself if this was still a crush or limerence? But…as expected…we’ve started getting even closer. And I am starting to contemplate if I am starting to develop love for this girl. Trust me, everything has run through my mind — “You just think you love her” or “You don’t know her little idiosyncrasies and love is going through that and trying times together” or “Love is seeing her good and bad side and still wanting all of that person” or “Grass is greener where you water it. Maybe this has been a distraction from home”. or “This is just a cloud and fantasy that will dissipate, it’s the shiny new thing” etc. etc.

But I have seen where she struggles. I have seen her having a rough time. Short of living with her, we have opened up a lot to one another. I’ve done well in knowing she isn’t “perfect” because no one is. Her and I actually disagree on quite a few things and process emotions completely different — but we respect each other so much despite so many differences. She’s very guarded as a person and I respect that. I’m very open and she accepts how open I am. We’ve disagreed on how to handle different things, but it always ends in “I don’t agree, but I see where you’re coming from and respect your decision”.

I know this probably an “emotional affair” at this point (nothing physical has transpired), but I do feel like this is bleeding into something more serious. Her and I don’t want to hurt our significant others. I think we have also found qualities in one another that we have felt have been lacking in our relationships. I’ve tried working on some of this with my significant other for quite sometime, but I’ve felt kind of stuck for the last year. She’s felt the same too. We’ve both felt this with our relationships even before meeting one another.

I’m sorry this sounds so horrible. I guess I’m just asking can limerence turn into actual love? How do you know you’re watering one side of the grass more than the other? How do you know if indeed you’ve maybe just met someone you had not anticipated in meeting? I’ve never been in a situation like this before and it’s all been really confusing to deal with. I’ve read so many stories about all avenues being true (ie limerence turning to love, everything just being limerence, the new person being a distraction from your own relationship, people losing what they had because it felt “new”, or the new relationship really showing people what they’ve been missing).

Thanks for not judging and letting me vent. This has been a battle to try to process and register everything.