I feel like I lost hope

The last two years have been a bit of a rollercoaster. I struggle with being overweight/obesity since being a teenager. I've since then always tried to lose weight but never succeeded for long periods of time. It was always the same pattern: I'd lose 10-20 kg and then I'd have an emotionally tumultuous period in my life and gain all that and more back, but nothing has been as bad as the last two years. It started when I lost weight again and tried dating again and for the first time it seemed it may lead somewhere, but then I got dumped over text: "It's not you it is just moving to fast." OK, no problem, sucks but what can you do. Then I gained every kg back and more.

Then beginnig of this year I tried a new method supervised by a doctor, lost 13 kg again, felt halfway ok and tried dating again, but same story a few dates in I got dumped again because "Your normal body smell is something I don't like." I had asked if she meant like sweatyness or bad odour. No she just how I normally smelt because of biology. That one hurt very much as we had similar hobbies, a similar friend group and still get along very very well.

But I wish it had been because of sweat or something. I wish it would have been something I could consciously change or work on. Because if I can't change the outcome why try? And as I have no other emotion regulation I started gaining weight again to a point where I am more out of shape than ever before. I stopped going to my sports group, I haven't been in the gym in months and I can't find the motivation to start again.

I know I should lose weight for my health, but I can't find the motivation. Its not a matter of know-how, it is a matter of not believing in improvement anymore.

I just don't want to feel powerless. I want to know that I can do something.

I know it sounds stupid, but the limitations coming with losing weight don't seem to be worth it any more because at the end of the day I'd have to invest 2-3 years without my emotional vent mechanism for the result of still being alone.

Sorry for the rambling folks.