AITAH for wanting to cancel going to my friends New Year’s party because of drama between 2 other people

Fake names TLDR at the bottom

I (22F) have been friends with Amanda (25F) for 3 years. We moved to this town around the same time, met at a bar, and bonded. About a year and a half ago, Amanda introduced me to her hairdresser/friend Anna (24F), and the three of us became really close.

A few months later, Amanda started dating someone (we’ll call her Kelly) and moved in with her a couple towns away. After that, it became clear that Amanda and I had fallen lower on her priority list. She was often late to plans or didn’t show up at all.

Recently, Amanda planned a New Year’s dinner/party and asked in our group chat if people preferred a Christmas dinner the week before or a combined New Year’s party. I said New Year’s because that is what I had planned. Amanda said the week before because she would be busy on New Year’s, but it seemed like the other guests (Anna’s fiancé Daniel’s friends) preferred New Year’s. I assumed Amanda wouldn’t be there and that Anna got the hint.

A few days later, Anna asked Amanda to confirm attendance, and Amanda said “that’s a no from me dawg.” Anna was unhappy but tried to include Amanda as best she could. Amanda had already planned her own party. Anna offered to merge the parties. When Amanda said “I don’t think anyone would want to do that,” Anna called her out for being “disrespectful with her replies.” I jumped in quickly with a message trying to put an end to the conflict. Anna reached out to me privately and asked me to remove my message because she “couldn’t handle anyone being mad at her.” I was annoyed by this because I had made it clear it was my thoughts and opinions and nobody else’s, but I obliged the best I could. It was on iMessages so I couldn’t delete it, but I edited it to say “never mind.”

Amanda managed to read what I said and texted back trying to agree with me and avoid conflict, and that’s when Anna came for blood. While I was watching this unfold, I couldn’t help but scoff at her points. Just a week prior, I had tried to make plans for my birthday that both Anna and Amanda said they were interested in until I had invited others and set dates. They then decided to tell me a bunch of excuses why it was “never a yes to begin with they just didn’t want to let me down.” At the time, I had made the same points directed at Amanda, but Anna hadn’t let me down yet and told me I was “overreacting” and to “choose my battles.” Anna also used the excuse that “Daniel wouldn’t be comfortable with her going to a bar.”

At this point, seeing how awful Amanda and Anna were treating each other, I thought to myself, why am I even going to this dinner? My boyfriend isn’t comfortable with me going to a dinner and party he’s not allowed to attend. We had a messy relationship over the summer, broke up a few times, and Anna essentially won’t forgive him and won’t invite him. When I initially said yes to this dinner, me and my boyfriend were still in a rough spot, but I’ve brought up we are good and I’d like him to come with me because it’s been months since the rough spot and she declined. Why should I be going out on a limb for her and her party when I’d much rather spend it with my man?

Basically, AITAH for not wanting to go to this party? I feel like they expect me to hold them at the top of my priority list and always respect what makes them comfortable, but they cannot uphold that same respect for me.

TLDR My friends Amanda and Anna have been bickering about holiday plans. Amanda already had her own party, Anna tried to merge it, and drama ensued. They expect me to prioritize them and respect their comfort, but they don’t do the same for me. My boyfriend isn’t allowed at the party, and I’d rather spend time with him. AITAH for not going?