I don’t know how to help my friend going through a divorce because, frankly, she wasn’t a great wife. What kind of advice or support can I offer here?

Both in our early 30s. We have been friends since we were about 7 years old. She has been with her husband for about 8 years, married for 3. They have 2 kids. I am going to try to keep this as short as possible. I believe she has been emotionally abusive towards him the entire time. She has even straight up confirmed she is. She is extremely, and I mean EXTREMELY insecure and constantly accusing her husband of cheating. When he leaves the house, there is often some sort of accusation from her. Saying things like “Where are you going? Are you going to cheat on me? Who are you meeting? Who are you actually meeting?” He cannot have certain friends. Cannot go certain places. She has threatened suicide during fights with him. One time she even cut herself very very badly with a knife when he attempted to break up with her before they got married. To make it even worse, he is an EMT and has dealt with these type of incidents many times and she knew that he would basically be forced to stay to tend to her wounds because that’s just what he does. It is extremely gross and manipulative.

Secondly, she openly cheated on him. (Not physically as far as I know, but emotionally and with lots of picture exchanges.) Like….straight up told him she was doing this. Or so she claims he knows. And right before they got married. With her coworker. Who she then invited to the wedding. 😭 She was having emotional affairs with several men because she wanted to “get everything out of her system” before they got married. He apparently supported this?! Idk if that is true buuttt either way….it’s just horrible behavior.

Honestly, I imagine it is even worse than what she tells me because this is just what she willingly shares with me. I can only imagine how much worse it is that she doesn’t want me to know….

She and I have grown very distant over the last few years. Partly because of this behavior, partly because she and I are just very different people now than when we were younger. I last hung out with her about two years ago. We text now and again. She reached out to me a few days ago saying her husband asked for a divorce and she needs support. I want to be there for her but I honestly just don’t know what to say? We talked on the phone for about 30 minutes and she is very aware of why the divorce is happening. She isn’t claiming naivety or denying she has some serious issues. She straight up knows he deserves better. She has been in therapy for the last few months as a last ditch effort but he came home one day and was just done. Will not go to therapy with her. Will not consider any other options. And I think that’s the best decision for him.

She wants to meet up some time this week to talk about this. I am a very honest person. It is very difficult for me to sugar coat shit for someone. She seems to want me to tell her she isn’t actually at fault and is fishing for empathy but I can’t do it. I think this divorce is the best option. I feel like the only support I can give is to offer constructive criticism to accept this situation and find a way to reflect on it and accept accountability and become a better person and then continue to keep my distance because she honestly kind of scares me….she is an extremely aggressive emotional person when she feels hurt and I really don’t want to trigger that….she has always been a good friend to me though and she has been there for me during difficult times in my life but this is just….too much for me. What do I dooo? 😭