Giving up

Somewhere along the way I think I just… gave up on love. Not because I don’t want it, but because of what I kept coming across. How overwhelming the experience is for me how I shut down under pressure of pain or closeness .The mixed signals, the confusion, the inconsistency. The way I end up becoming a version of myself I don’t even recognize overthinking, tiptoeing, trying too hard just to feel okay.I’m a 26-year-old Muslim girl and sometimes it feels like the way I love, the way I give, what I expect… it’s just not what I find. And it makes me pull back. It makes me protect myself more.Honestly, I feel the most functional when I’m single. I grew up secluded from men I found my own peace. My mind is quieter, I can breathe, I feel like myself again. I’m happy and bubble Im in my lala land full of sunshine and energy. I dance I sing I joke . My routine makes sense, my days feel normal, and my heart feels like it actually belongs to me. It wasn’t like some big dramatic moment. It was slow. Just slowly realizing maybe love isn’t where my peace is right now. Maybe one day it’ll be different, but right now… being on my own is the only place I don’t lose myself.

Does anyone feel this way is it just me ?