hi everyone i'm on my computer so i'm just gonna type type away for some reason i have a funny thing on my browser that makes every letter i type click and clack like an old typewriter and it's extremely satisfying so i'm just gonna type type even more. tonight i'm feelingLonely and a little Sad and none of my friends are messaging me and it's just as well because i'm not sure i'd have anything to say anyway. i just want a cigarette. but with my little lungs? not likely! but i'm out of ice cream, so what else am i meant to do? earlier today i dropped my phone in the sink when i was washing the dishes and it wen't directly under the water for about 2 seconds before i processed what Happened. i subsequently used up the remaining rice that doesn't even belong to me to put it in a box and hopefully save my phone. i know people say that doesn't even work but i honestly swear by it. so for the whole day i've been not on my phone which you'd think would allow for maybe a bit more productivity or something but my day has instead just sunk into a sink hole. that's okay. i had a bath and washed my hair, so that's something. i lit the candle and heard strange things outside of my window. i did laundry and thought about how when i'm leaving it to dry that's the only time another person might see my underwear and that that's my fault most of the time. later i made pasta enough for two and i ate it all by myself. because it was really good. i wanna to share it with someone, i promise it's Good. my housemate then asked me to replace his rice i had used and i of course obliged and went to the shop. the usual one i go to was closed on account of it being sunday and all so i went to an alternative shop but that took me down a road were really fond memories were had one evening when it was raining. and then i felt sad, because that memory is tinged with sadness now. can you turn it back, or will it always be sad? or will it just take Time?? i want all the time in the world to pass so that i don't feel it anymore , and yet i feel hesistant to move past can't imagine not feeling so passionate about this. that way atleast someone does. now i'm listening to my fave lesbian ambient musician Grouper, which is something i do often when i'm feeling wounded. i can go into my secret forest and bleed on my own and listen to her album Dragging a Dead Deer Up a Hill (or A I A: Alien Observer, but that one is genuinely so Beautiufl that it feels Wrong to relisten to it so obsessively....) and immerse my head in a little stream and douse my body with tenderness. my tea is cold now. So it's probably time for bed. Good night.