Big wins for my vaginismus

I have never been able to be penetrated by the full length of any of my previous partners, and not penetrated for more than five seconds. Two fingers was always difficult. I also have an autoimmune disorder that causes dryness and compounds my issues. I just got out of a six year relationship of which we were engaged and I found out that he had had multiple affairs spanning at least three years. There’s been a lot of fall out from that (losing my house, losing my dog, starting anti depressants, moving in with parents etc) but I had a terrible sinking feeling that this would set back my vaginismus even farther than it has been.

Fast forward to now. I met a new guy and for the literal first time ever, he was able to finish inside of me, after a longer penetration than I’ve ever experienced. Going into this encounter, I told myself I would let go and go with the flow and tell myself to relax as many times as I needed to and that I would push past the discomfort. He did mention that I was very tight but I am honestly so proud of myself and I did not imagine this was possible. I think a part of the solution was finding the right sexual partner. Clearly, this new guy is a better emotional and sensual match than I’ve had in the past. My fiancé of six years had never even gotten close to achieving what this new guy has already in just a few weeks.

I just wanted to share this because I truly felt like such a failure until this point. I’ve been so angry at my own body and so disappointed in my mind. I’ve always felt that I was the problem, that I needed to get over it, and that I wouldn’t be able to have a long term partner because they’ll always cheat on me. I thought I wouldn’t be able to have children because of this. That is just not true. I’ve finally found someone that nurtures me emotionally and physically so that my body cooperates more. Don’t get me wrong, it was still uncomfortable and I still have progress to make, but this has made me so much more confident in my future. I plan on trying a tampon today for the first time ever. I feel more hope than failure for the first time in a long time.