I know someday you'll see it, at least i hope.

Day by day, for years, I noticed my resources are not enough to do ok in anything i do, yes i can do a lot, if i take the time to learn, but i always get stuck at a level making it not valuable or useful, or making me stand out, it's the problem with being "smart"

you adapt to a lot. (thats the definition of "intelligence" i think is the most accurate)

yet at a moment, it's just not enough anymore. and i'm scared.

Scared of not being able to do as much as have to, or to provide, firstly to myself.

and then to you, in the long run. I can't see myself, with the motivation or will i currently have, being able to do enough to provide for at least both of us, according to the rules of my character in this scheme of things.

And in the present, i still wonder what do i really give to you except hangouts and a bit of money.

It's tempting to say that i don't have my own thing like everyone else, my talent. Like your visual arts talent... I know you really can make something great out of it. I just have to raise my head from my PC to notice it on one of your drawings.

But in reality, mine is to be able to do everything, but at the cost of a short extend, at the cost of a modest skill.

It is not complaining about "what am i" or something. Because i may be good at something and don't have discovered it yet. After all, I'm 17, not 40 with a life long experience of life and myself.

But i truly feel lacking of the spark of identity making me an undisposable being. THE thing that makes me stand out among the others.

It's not exactly "what or who am i ?" but more "with all that makes myself, i cannot notice yet what makes me and not the replica of someone else, or behind"

For a while, i think more and more i've being mistaken about my current major and field of study.

It ain't working much, i don't have the spark or love of maths anyway.

but i'm stuck, i need to provide for myself, and maybe to you, if somehow, you keep seeing something great in me, that no one told me.

What i want, is too be able to look inside myself, and see how i really am.

that's why i ask you, since you're surely the one, who better knows me.

I need a description of myself, of me, i wanna understand who and what am i to the others.

Since i am myself, i only need to compare.

I know myself, but i can't see past myself.