AITA for never letting go of my boyfriend’s huge lie from 3 years ago and bringing it up in every fight?

AITA for never letting go of my boyfriend’s huge lie from 3 years ago and bringing it up in every fight?

I (29F) have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We met on a dating app in 2021 and instantly clicked. Early on, I casually mentioned that I would only date someone who was at most 4 years older than me. He told me he was 27, and since I was 25, I thought we were a perfect match.

We started dating long-distance because he lived abroad and I was in my home country. For a year and a half, we talked every day, planned our future, and built a really strong bond. He even visited my country once, introduced me to his friends, and we spent an amazing day together. After finishing my studies, I finally got a job abroad and moved to live with him.

Then, about 6 months into living together, something strange happened. We were buying alcohol, and when he showed his ID, I casually asked to see it afterward—just to look at his picture. He shut me down so quickly and awkwardly that I felt uneasy, but I assumed he was embarrassed about the photo and brushed it off.

A few days later, while sending pictures from his phone to mine, I saw a scanned copy of his license. Out of curiosity, I opened it—and that’s when I saw his birth year: 1990. He wasn’t 27 when we met. He was 31.

I felt a shock through my whole body. When he walked in and saw what I was looking at, he just broke down. He told me he fell in love with me from the start, panicked when I said I wouldn’t date someone more than 4 years older, and felt trapped in the lie. He said he regretted it every single day but was terrified of losing me.

He apologized nonstop for a week before I even spoke normally to him again. And honestly? I did want to walk away. But the truth is… he has been an absolutely incredible boyfriend!!!!

He treats me with a level of kindness and consistency I’ve never experienced. He cooks for me every day, packs my lunch without me asking, makes sure I’m eating properly, cleans, takes me out wherever I want, checks on me when I’m stressed, supports my decisions, comforts me when I cry, and genuinely puts effort into making my life easier. My cousins adore him. My friends think he’s a gentleman. And even in our worst moments, he has never spoken to me disrespectfully. He loves loudly, gently, and consistently. And I don’t think anyone would love me the way he has.

So I stayed.

But the lie left a scar I can’t seem to heal. And now, every time we fight no matter what the argument is about I bring up that lie. I call him a liar. I use it as a weapon, even when I’m the one who’s wrong. He never fights back, never excuses himself, and always just says he “deserves it” because what he did was unforgivable.

I tell myself I shouldn’t say it, but in the moment… I can’t stop. It spills out every time.

So… AITA for constantly bringing up a lie from 3 years ago and using it to avoid taking responsibility for my own mistakes?