considering reaching out to apologize and potentially reconciling with a former friend

hi all!

lately, i’ve (f22) been considering reaching out to a former good friend (f22) i made in college. she was very sweet and i genuinely enjoyed getting to know her in the two years of our friendship. we didn’t talk as frequently as we did once she graduated (she finished a semester before i did), and there would be times in which we didn’t communicate for weeks at a time.

however, over the past year or so, my mental health gradually deteriorated. i have a history of depression and c-ptsd, and adjusting to professional life between undergrad and graduate school just was more difficult than i anticipated because of the complexities of living with my emotionally abusive family. they had said some hurtful things about me and some of the relationships i had formed in college (her included) and among the other things going on, i lost myself for sometime.

over the past four months, i finally made a change and decided to get professional treatment in medication and therapy. i’m now living with a hometown friend, and i’ve been doing deep work in healing the wounds of my past, so i may have a more fufilling adulthood.

however, this past summer when i was at my lowest, i impulsively removed her as a follower and unfollowed her on instagram. i also messaged and ended our friendship over something trivial, and regrettably, said some of the words my loved ones had projected onto our friendship.

we had never fought before or had any issues whatsoever. she also knew bits and pieces of my mental health struggles, but never knew that i started struggling again. i acknowledge that no matter my circumstances, i shouldn’t have acted that way towards her and that i had handled the whole thing poorly. honestly, had i been able to be vulnerable with her, i think that she may have been receptive in giving me some assurance and support about the whole thing since it was so abrupt. she tried to reason with me during our final convo and gain more understanding why, but i’ve always been guarded about my struggles because i just don’t like to burden anyone, even long-time friends. this is something i’m slowly working on getting better on. ultimately, i wished her well and she did the same, and we haven’t spoken since.

taking accountability for how i acted during that dark time in my life is important to me. this is something my therapist has encouraged me to do, and this is one of the things i want to do since i cherish how beautiful our friendship was and the memories i have with her. i know that she might not be receptive in rekindling the friendship and that is alright with me, but i genuinely want to apologize for how wrong i acted. also, i recently checked her page and she didn’t block me even considering how things went.

that all said, does anyone have any advice in the best and most respectful way to approach a situation like this? would extending my apologizes potentially do more harm than good? this is not my intent whatsoever, but i’m open to all perspectives. has there been anyone who has rekindled a friendship in a similar situation? lastly, what are somethings i should be mindful of in writing my apology? i don’t want it to be a trauma-dump, but i think giving her some context is warranted for the falling out