im so in love with my ex and its ruining me

i broke up with my boyfriend of three years about a month ago. things weren't working out between us in the end so we decided it was best to end things. it mostly had to do with our own personal issues and how it affected our relationship. we couldn't communicate effectively and i was too in my head about everything and idk, i was just obsessing over the smallest stuff that would bother me even if it wasn;t that big of a deal.

ive never regretted anything more in my life. the second i said it, i hated it so much. everything was so fixable. i was caught up in us arguing over the same stupid stuff all the time and us breaking up was the only option i could see.

i still have so much love for him. hes all that i want and id do anything to be with him, but he has no interest at this point. the worst part of all of this is how kind he's been to me through it all. he still cares for me and neither of us blame the other for what happened, it was just unfortunate circumstances. part of me wishes i could just hate him so that i could get on with my life, but he's never given me a reason to.

i dont know how to not love him. he was such a big part of my life for three years and i am completely wrecked. he says he's willing to stay friends and i would love to do that because the idea of not ever talking to him again is terrible, but i don't know how i'd do it. i don't know how to not love him. every time we've talked its been so cold and distant and all i want to do is act like i love him again.

i dont know what to do. i cant eat, i'm too depressed to do anything to distract myself, and everything reminds me of him anyway. i love him so damn much. i have so much regret and i dont know how i'm going to move past this and forgive myself. all i want to do is talk to my best friend. i miss him so fucking much. i want my love back