I don’t know if I’m making any sense at all with this…

So I (22f) broke up with my gf a month ago. We were together for 3.5 years so it was kind of a lot, but I digress. Anyways, I’ve only ever had sex with her and one other woman… never with a man.

I don’t have a particular sexual attraction, I’m cool with everyone. But emotional connection means the most when it comes to sex. As the relationship was dying out, we never had sex because I wasn’t feeling emotionally connected anymore. But now that I’m single, my sex drive is actually through the roof… however, I now have this deep bodily urge and desire to have sex with a man. It feels kinda cringe admitting it but it feels weirdly instinctual or something. It’s also scary because I’ve never been penetrated by anything remotely close to a penis or its size, so I am definitely intimidated.

I was talking to my friend and she was like “go explore, have fun” yadda yadda yadda implying that I need to be young, turnt, and hooking up. And although it would be easy, especially in the DC area, the thought of having sex with a stranger completely turns me off. There’s just no way. I would rather have a trusting guy friend with benefits before I do that…. I’d actually much rather have that. Someone to test the waters and explore with together. But ppl don’t really do that anymore I guess? The only other woman I’ve slept with is a close friend of mine to this day and we were FWB’s. We would do everything friends do (besides the obvious), and it was never weird.

I say all that to say, I’m insanely frustrated and sex with a person who has a penis seems completely out of reach since I’ve never experienced that or have considered it for the last few years. Also, I’ve never admitted any of this before… how embarrassing..