I hate being autistic

I'm 28, was diagnosed with "mild autism" when I was 10. Over the years I've tried owning being autistic, but the truth is I can't stand it.

I hate the I don't like certain textures of food, too much noise us overstimulating, and that I can't make any friends. Sure I can be friends with people, talk to them at work and hangout occasionally, but I've never made friends who regularly want to see me or invite me out. I see people I work with (freelance) online hanging out together, or organising plans like it's no big deal, and I just can't understand how they do it.

I always feel like I'm the odd one out, that no one wants me around, that I'm far behind everyone else. I hate living like this. I hate feeling so isolated from other people, that I can't "join in" or that I don't find this as easy as most people.

I don't know how to navigate my life, that I'm directionless and wasting away. I can't live like this. Everything is too difficult and it's never getting easier, especially at my age now. I don't know how to make things better.