i don't know how much longer i can do this

23 year old female here

i have been struggling with depression and suicidal ideation since i was a teenager. academic pressure has been the main stressor of my life for the last ten or so years, and my dad has been putting a lot of stress on me to get a degree. he's coming from a good place, and expressing that he's worried about me and just wants me to succeed.

well i just failed the last class i needed to get my associates, and he blew up on me. he told me that he didn't understand how this happened, that i was smarter than this, and that i needed to get a degree otherwise i'm gonna have a hard time succeeding in life. he told me that i lost out on a lot of job opportunities, and that i should just get a full time minimum wage job at this point. he wasn't happy. i never make him happy

i just disappoint, again and again and again, and i'm getting so tired of wasting my family's time energy and money by being a complete and utter failure at what i do. i have no higher aspirations, and my passions aren't going to make me any money. i'm not smart enough for school, im too ugly to do porn. my suicidal thoughts have always been there but right now, they're unbearable. i just want everything to stop, i don't want to be alive anymore. everyone tells me that im so young and that i have time to figure it out, but i'm struggling. i'm stuck at a job that i hate and just barely scraping by.

when does it end? will it ever end? what do i do? the only thing stopping me from killing myself is my cats, and my dad. i don't want to hurt him more than i already have, but i'm a disappointment. he always told me that id be the one out of his kids to succeed, and i'm proving him wrong.

i think everything would be better if i just offed myself