Attempting HPAT for a third time

I got 625 points in my leaving cert, ended up doing a course i wasnt sure about bc i didnt get enough in the hpat. Had a whole life crisis and set my heart on medicine so i dropped out after semester one to resit the hpat. I ended up failing to get enough points in the hpat a SECOND time round, and now im doing ANOTHER course that im not sure i want to do. To be fair i am enjoying this new course a bit more but idk what it is, i have this itch with medicine idk if its because im scared of having regrets or if its because i want to prove myself that i can do it and get in OR if its because its genuinely my passion/ dream IDK WHICH IT IS ANYMORE. No matter what course i do, i think ill always have medicine in the back of my head and ill always sort of feel like a disappointment. The person who dropped out and failed and forgot about their dream. Will it ever go away? Im not the type to give up. But i fear ill be wasting away my life on this if i give it another go and idk if i want to do the whole drop out thing again and do ANOTHER semester 1 of first year. All my friends will be going into third year of college. The worst part of it all was i was actually good at the course i dropped out of and got all As in my exams, i dindt care at the time bc i was feeling so motivated and hopeful that i would get medicine, it felt like a leap of faith i was taking that could only possibly lead to something good. I lowk wish sometimes i had just stayed in that course and not started this new one bc i would have been closer to having an undergraduate. but i went along with this narrative of ill never be happy if im not doing something i love. am I being dramatic? My parents are paying big money for me to be in college doing something i dont want to do AGAIN but the only course i think i want I CANT GET INTO (medicine). I HAD MY SECOND CHANCE AND I FUCKED IT UP. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE ANYMORE. Do i try again for med or just try embrace this new course? I haven’t told anyone these thoughts bc im scared my parents will be annoyed at me for getting a second chance and still ending up in a course im not happy with. Is there anyone else who can relate to this in some way or is it just me 🫠 what should i do?