Singing the Christmas Blues

I was at a friend's house the other day and saw mistletoe hanging in her hallway and immediately broke down crying. She asked me what was wrong and I had to think quickly on the spot to make up some story about how it reminded me of a dog I had as a little girl named Mistletoe (true story! We did have a dog named Mistletoe!)

Am I the only one who feels like this Christmas season has been drearier than others? Usually this is my favorite time of year. I look forward to it each fall - the food, the decoration, even all the work heaped on my plate when it comes to buying presents and hosting and making sure the house stays in tip-top shape. But while everyone else is feeling festive, I'm feeling lonelier than usual. Maybe it's turning 40 as a HFL whose LLM husband seems oblivious to seeing me as anything other than the reliable woman who magically manages to get everything accomplished. It's not like this is a new thing - we've been dealing with it for years.

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this, except with the idea it could serve as a form of written therapy. Or perhaps in the hopes that someone else feels similarly and I'm not the only one. Maybe it's all of the above? There's something about the routines we get into, that you realize all of a sudden even if they took years to develop. But I could always count on Christmas to provide me a bit of joy, to lift me above the fray of feeling unappreciated and unseen. All the songs and merriment and food and drinks and friends and festivities has reliably lifted my spirits. But not this year. Not yet at least. So as I reach for another piece of chocolate from the Advent calendar (I'm already a week and a half ahead), here's hoping I'm not the only one. Is anyone else feeling this way? If so... I raise my glass of wine to you in a silent sisterhood toast and offer you a piece of dark chocolate from December 18th.