Just looking for some words of encouragement from people I don’t know

I (30F) and my hubby (34F) are TTC cycle 4. I’ve never been pregnant. We haven’t used protection in the 5 years I’ve been off BC but have used the pull out method so I guess he was just good at it. My whole family and every friend with children have all gotten pregnant either on accident or the first or second try. We both eat healthy, are vegan, supplement everything we need, and are both moderately active. Hubs has some health issues that the genetic counselor states should not affect fertility. I had an ultrasound last O day (on accident) due to abnormal bleeding in cycle 2 but everything looked normal besides a paraovarian cyst, they confirmed ovulation, and no abnormal bleeding this cycle. I’m big into using food and herbs if possible so this past cycle I tried seed cycling, pomegranate juice, and we both took ashwagandha but stopped during the TWW. We also both stopped drinking and smoking weed 4 weeks before trying this past cycle and I continued that during TWW. And here I am, today, CD1 again. I know it hasn’t been that long. I do have diagnosed but very mild OCD so I tend to fixate on things and am a bit of a perfectionist. Statistically I understand why it “hasn’t worked”, but emotionally I don’t. I’m scared something is wrong. I’m scared I should’ve tried sooner instead of “living my life”. I feel naive thinking it would happen quickly. I have pretty bad seasonal depression so I’m trying to conceive at a specific time on purpose. This is our last cycle actively trying before we NTNP until late spring for that timing reason. I know I need to relax. This cycle I’m letting myself drink, not gonna turn up during the TWW just bc I’m not comfy, but it’s Christmas and NYE and we’re going to see a broadway show so I’m allowing myself to drink in moderation. I’m so grateful for the holidays this cycle and hoping they’ll keep me distracted. Anyway sorry for the rambling, just looking for some encouragement to continue on, and advice on how to keep my head on straight besides yoga/meditation/journaling/therapy bc I’m doing all that currently. I’m very hard on myself and that’s a work in progress.

Also just want to shout out all the peeps who have gone through this, and more difficult versions of this, you guys are so incredibly resilient.