Celebrated my birthday with a meltdown

Today is my birthday and in the days leading up to it, I've been feeling increasingly upset that I'm not where I want to be or thought I'd be at this point in my life (mid-30s). Had a meltdown yesterday and was basically in bed crying all day, then today I had another meltdown shortly after waking up and had to call my dad to come over to help me calm down. I was planning to spend time with my best friend today, but had to cancel because I was too upset. I also had to text my boss to say I'm having a mental health crisis and need to take the next few days off. So . . . happy birthday to me, I guess. I'm not a huge birthday person, usually just dinner with a couple of friends or my parents, but this is the first time that I haven't done anything at all to celebrate. It feels sad but I also just don't have the capacity right now.