Flipped Circadian rhythm is ruining my life

TL;DR: I haven’t been able to sleep at night for years and I’m losing my mind over it and NEED to figure out how to sleep normally again. It feels like my circadian rhythm has flipped and i have to fix it, I can’t live like this, I feel like it’s slowly destroying me.

Any advice/ideas welcome! Pls & thank you ❤️

For reference, I am Audhd, have OCD, a general low level of depression most of my life that has gotten really bad a few times, and I’ve just never not been anxious unless I’ve been sedated for medical procedures. I don’t know what that feels like. Even my dreams are anxious 😩

I also have suspected long covid, PMDD, orthostatic intolerance & dysautonomia concerns, endometriosis, fibromyalgia, other chronic pain from injuries, and am looking into MCAS and POTS with my doctor. Oh and now we can add perimenopause to the mix, how fun!

But I’m posting bc I need advice, it’s been 5 years of me having no reliable sleep schedule and all my disability stuff is so clearly exacerbated by this,

Since 2020 I’ve been unable to sleep regularly at night. I’ve had 3 doctors in that time and seen specialists and have spoken with all of them about it. Since 2020 I’ve had two kids, was unmedicated for 5 yrs (which is annoying bc I know you can take meds while nursing but it wasn’t my choice so), have had new disability symptoms appear and other disabilities diagnosed or they have worsened. I was also told I need to do a sleep study for sleep apnea but can’t sleep normally so I’m not sure how to make that work without it being a huge waste of time, energy, and money.

For a long time I couldn’t sleep bc of nursing my babies (I nursed both to 2.5 and some change) and my OCD getting worse for a period after having kids. It’s not great rn either bc I mean gestures broadly at literally everything everywhere, but it was really really bad postpartum with my first. That transitioned into being unable to get stuff done during the day bc of awake toddlers so I would stay up & clean & my husband would watch the kids in the morning. I still clean at night sometimes bc of that good ol’ not cleaning until the night before visitors come adhd energy, but I also just CANNOT get myself to go to bed earlier. I end up being up til like 3-5am. I’ve tried melatonin, unisom, getting too drunk to stay awake, taking a bunch of cannabis gummies, anti anxiety meds (only like twice though bc my OCD makes me paranoid about taking meds), I’ve been sick, woken up on 2 hours of sleep and stayed up all day hoping I can sleep and then STILL am up til 4am.

I feel like everyone thinks I’m just lazy and lack a routine and don’t want to be responsible but it’s something I feel extreme guilt and shame about daily and if I could fix it with just effort I would have. I just want to sleep. I’m sick of having to work on 3 hours of sleep bc I simply could not fall asleep until the wee hours. And I’m sick of ppl acting like I would choose this. I’m miserable. Maybe I clean like a boss at 2am but besides that I’m just anxious and want to sleep and wake up with my kids and get morning sunshine and feel functional when the everyone else is awake.

I feel like I need something extreme. Like a sleep retreat or a medical program that forces you sleep. I’ve gone so long like this it feels like my circadian rhythm has totally flipped.

Sleeping during the day has absolutely affected my health too, I know it’s not good for my body or my brain and I’ve got to fix it. I’m desperate.