My hair got into the folds of his clothes when I packed his bag

Me and my husband are having to do a long distance since he’s away from home on a business trip,

yesterday, I was mad at him because I felt like I was missing him just so much and he isn’t really missing me like that, Gosh I hate him so much and I hate myself because I am always so in love for nothing absolutely. As I was airing him, ignoring his calls and texts because I stupidly thought I could decentralise him, ended up picking the phone because tormenting myself by not talking to him just wasn’t enough and I really had to torment myself up a notch by talking to him. Yes I decided I was going to pick up the phone.

As I did, I hear him telling me how he found a strand of my hair on the folds of his clothes and kept it on his wallet because he couldn’t toss it out, told me how he just unpacked and he could smell me.

I don’t know how I can die knowing I’ll have to leave him behind, or I also don’t know how I can live on knowing I have to live without him.

We knew each-other for only 2 months before getting married and it’ll be a year anniversary on January, Every night I lay down gazing at his side of the bed and seeing it empty breaks my heart into a million pieces, every time I can’t fall asleep and I sit up, I miss him also sitting up asking me what happened and if I need anything, him and I were on the phone talking and he mentioned something urgent came up and he’ll call me later and it’s been four hours into the night and I can’t fall asleep because he said he will call later, I don’t know if this is the utmost extent of love someone can have for someone or can one possibly love more?

My dearest,

Home is no longer a home to me, home was when I had you to come back to, you are my home. It was home when I returned exhausted and I was using the last bit of strength in me to reach you, and collapse into your arms while you nagged me for skipping lunch while you skipped lunch too because you couldn’t eat without me, and I skipped lunch because I couldn’t eat without you too. I don’t know how to eat without you, maybe that is why I skip eating, after all, it wasn’t the food that fuelled me, it was you who was watering and nurturing my soul. I pray and pray again, I should die first because keeping on living without you isn’t living. You complete me my love, the void you fill in can never be filled with anything else. The boring evenings we spent outside watching sunsets weren’t that boring after all since I couldn’t go two weeks without seeing that darn sun set without you. I think I really do love you. And I also hate you so much.