I don’t cut because I’m depressed..(comment pleaseee)

I know people do it for harm when it’s been rough on them but it’s been different for me and I can’t tell my closest friends because they would think I’m weird. It’s been almost a year and the first time was I was so pleasured and overwhelmed I did it, I don’t know why, it just felt good.

When I was talking to my friend she spotted the cuts and I had to make a sob story about how things haven’t been going well because I didn’t know what to say. I just did it recently right after flicking the bean and I swear I haven’t felt better, like I was free. I haven’t gone deeper because I don’t want scars, I just like the pain, it’s like a new level of arousal. Idk what to do, I feel so ashamed, there are marks and I don’t want to explain to others why they are there😓