This year ruined my mental health

I.....I tried to stay strong, I really, really tried, but I failed. This year hurt me. I lost everything, and I'm trying to stay strong, but I can't. I fcking can't anymore, How can I breathe in this life, We can't have a good Christmas, my sis is so bratty she wants us to spend our only transportation because we couldn't afford presents but we're trying. Not to mention she forced me to say some hateful things I Really have snapped to the point. Really to the point I act bad, I sound bad, I act bad, and I don't like this me, I am very good but Why am I becoming.......rude ? I wish I wasn't rude, I wish I wasn't pushed to my limits, I wish.......I Couldn't say it.