Idk what to do anymore

I’m 18, and lately I’ve been struggling a lot. I’ve only ever deeply loved two people which is my little brother and my boyfriend. My brother and I were extremely close, and my relationship with my boyfriend used to mean everything to me. But now it feels like everything is falling apart.

My boyfriend barely puts effort into us anymore. He doesn’t take me on dates (which I understand since he works a lot).I come over to hang with him and his family sometimes, but he kinda does his own thing while I'm there. He doesn’t include me in his plans or talk about a future with me in it. And whenever I try to tell him I feel unloved, he gets annoyed or angry, so I stopped bothering him about it. I also feel guilty for feeling this way since he's an awesome guy and I do wish I could be better for him.

What makes it even harder is that I can’t see my little brother anymore. When I moved, I had to leave him in a toxic, abusive home, and the guilt of that stays with me every day. It feels like I’m losing the two people I cared about the most.

Recently I’ve been feeling really empty and alone. My whole identity feels wrapped around the people I love, and without them I don’t know what to do. I struggle with even the simplest things like waking up, cleaning my face and even buying something for myself, because my mind automatically goes to them. I imagine my boyfriend seeing my things or reacting to what I’m doing, almost like those fanfic-style scenarios you make up in your head. And with my brother, I keep imagining us hanging out or talking like we used to. It’s like I’m living more in my head than in my real life, and it’s exhausting.

My brother loved me for who I really am, but I no longer live this "childhood life" with him, and with my boyfriend growing so distant, it feels like I’m losing everything. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve been having really dark thoughts about you know, ending myself. I’m not planning anything, but the thoughts show up when things feel too heavy. I even got habits of ripping my nails off and pulling my hair.

I feel stuck in this loneliness and I don’t know how to cope. Has anyone been through something similar?