I (21M) have been abandonded by my mom (49F) over tiktok

My mom has been going through a lot of shit these days. She has a good friend who rents a room with us, but he is an alcoholic and always abandons her when she needs help the most. And a few days ago she caught my dad cheating on her yet again with a woman over the phone. The only person she’s really ever able to rely on is me. And because of this we spend time with each other every single day, 24/7. I love my mom but it gets really frustrating not having space or privacy. The only time I have time alone is when I go do my homework.

My mom is also an avid tiktok creator, even selling products through the marketplace and doing ads. She told me to check out something on her profile and I went. But I actually have a 2nd tiktok account that I use for my private stuff (she is very “Christian” and I am not). I have her blocked on that account cause I don’t want her seeing any stuff that is “against god” and start investigating me. So I go to her profile to see what she wanted me to see but I was using the 2nd account, and she saw I blocked her. I tried to lie and deny everything about this 2nd account but she kept pushing and I had to confess.

She blew up, started saying things like she’s a piece of shit. She is a burden on this family. She deserves to die. She doesn’t deserve to be happy. I kept telling her I’m sorry over and over, that it was a mistake and that I was an idiot for blocking her on this secret 2nd account. She doesn’t listen. She has isolated herself in her room for two days and I have not seen her face since. She says we will not talk anymore, and that I will drive to school by myself from now on (she also comes with me to college and stays in the car all day)

I feel so betrayed. I know I shouldn’t had lied. But I just wanted a space to be myself and be alone. Tbh I don’t even use the account. I barely even use tiktok at all. I knew one day she would disown me when she would find out I’m bisexual somehow in the future. But I didn’t think she’d disown me NOW over TIKTOK. I feel horrible…