How to be independent and love yourself in a relationship?

I want to know how a girl can become truly independent and love herself from the inside out. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. At the beginning, I told myself not to get too attached to him, because it’s easy to lose myself. But later I realized I really was gradually losing myself. For example, I want to be with him 24/7, and just thinking about being apart from him makes me feel very anxious. But this makes him feel suffocated, and he’ll tell me he needs some alone time.

But I just miss him and want to stick to him all the time. Over time, I’ve really started to feel like I have no charm at all. I stopped improving myself, stopped pursuing my own hobbies, stopped making friends — my whole world revolves only around him. I don’t want to be like this, but it’s like I can’t get out of this vicious cycle.

I feel that in a relationship, two people do need some boundaries and distance, otherwise, over time, things really become ugly. Sigh, I don’t know what to do… Even though I know he loves me, I still like to get his attention over and over again to feel reassured. Only when I win his attention do I feel at ease.

I especially tend to use extreme ways to get his help and attention, like annoying him, grossing him out, or doing things that make him feel really helpless. If I don’t manage to get his attention, or if he doesn’t respond the way I want, I’ll break down and cry, even over very small things, and I’ll even threaten to move out or break up.

I feel like I’ve really changed, and I can’t go back to the independent, confident, self-centered version of myself that I was when I was single. But I don’t wanna quit loving him either, so how to find the balance?