Trying to escape

Hi, this is gonna be really disorganized and I'm not really sure what I'm trying to do but I need to write this down.

so. I (19FTM), am pretty sure I have been enmeshed with my mother (61F). For context, dad isn't in the picture, he frequently uses hard drugs and physically abused us. Divorce happened around age 12, I speak to him once every few years. Since the divorce, my mom has been overly emotionally reliant on me. She tells me everything, including things I don't want to know (for example, my father's bedroom preferences), and gets upset when I try to keep things private, such as my mental state or my love life. We've also never been super financially stable, and she takes great lengths to tell me every detail.

When I started university, she had a total meltdown about how lonely she was going to be and how no one her age understands her. The first year of school went fine, I was the happiest I'd ever been, until my first year ended. Turns out, to cope with my absence, she had been talking to men online, one of which asked for thousands of dollars to come visit her. Obviously, this was a scam. Against my better judgment, I attempted to begin the second year of college in August 2025 despite tuition costs. However, her poor decisions rendered us homeless, and after I attempted suicide, I was forced to take leave of absence from school for the rest of the school year.

We moved into my brother's RV, which sits in his yard. My brother (35M) has always been my mom's enforcer. If she's upset, she sends my brother to yell and belittle me, and this often ends with me being physically attacked. Examples include telling me I have no idea how difficult life is, that I'm just like my father, and that I'm selfish. My mother also feels the need to tell me every time she dials the suicide hotline, and frequently asks when I'm going to detransition back to female.

Currently I am looking for employment, and I plan to run away and live with my childhood best friend and his mother before 2025 is over. They are very generous people and know my situation well; I have fled to their house in the past when my mom and I would have conflicts. Running away from my family will likely result in them cutting me off, and I would be forced to drop out of university without their support, as well as finding a way to put my car and phone bills in my name. However, all my friends are telling me that it's worth protecting my mental health. I struggle a lot with the fear that I won't be able to survive without them, and the idea that I'm dramatic and they're not actually that bad. I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this, but I felt like I had to write it down to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading.