I keep posting about my depression on facebook and it upsets my family

So I've posted some pretty upsetting things on fb, openly saying I hate my life, I have no friends, and I want to do. I've been posting such things since at least 16 years old (30f now). For me it feels very therapeutic, to express these feelings in such a public space, when otherwise I would have no one to share these thoughts with. It's different from posting on reddit, where things are anonymous. I WANT people to know who I am and that I am miserable. It makes me feel real, that my problems are real. I feel good to have people see and acknowledge how I am feeling even if they disagree or get the 'ick' from my depressing posts. I've noticed that some people have unfriended me, idk if it's cuz of my posts or what. But the main problem is my family who i'm friends with on fb. Besides my family is just old classmates who I never speak to. I almost never use my fb unless it's to make a depressing post. My fb page looks like a suicide journal or some sort of manifesto tbh... I've written really wild things lol. Some posts I ended up privating because I thought they were too drastic. But yeah, my family (in particular my mom) often gets upset and will message me, or ask me about my posts the next time I see them in person. I think they feel embarrased to know me, because some of their friends can see my page (i have some family friends on there as well), and I guess these family friends will ask my family "what's up with fireheart251? Why is she posting those crazy things? Maybe she should get some help" and it prompts my family to ask me why do i write these things in public where people can see them. "people are gonna think you're crazy! don't you know jobs check social media these days? No one's gonna hire you if you're depressed!". But I really don't care about these things. As I said I don't speak to anyone on my facebook and have not since graduation HS in 2013. What they think of me doesnt matter at all, i never see them, never speak to them. Surprisingly, some classmates actually did reach out after they saw my depressing and suicidal posts. I ignored all of them though because I don't want their friendship or sympathy because none of those people cared about me in school but now they want to act like fucking white knight saviors. In a way, I do feel some bit of shame posting what I post, because, even though I wasn't well liked, a lot of people thought I had a bright future ahead because I was a good student. Now it's almost like i'm admitting failure by showing i've gotten nowhere in life, and feeling that people somewhere are likely reading my posts and feeling better about themselves because they're not in my position. I remember I used to laugh at adults like me when I was young, now I am that adult... it is what it is. I just want to be able to express myself freely, and truly, even if I look dumb or like a loser. My whole life I've never been honest about how I feel, always compulsibely lying to make myself look better. I just want to be myself, even if myself is just an unemployed, ugly loser, who's boring with no skills or talent. I'm starting to just accept who and what I am and don't care if people know about it. Honestly wish my family would leave me alone and stop complaining about what I post. If you don't want to see it, DELETE ME OFF YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS LIST, BITCH!!! is what I'd like to say to them, and if i get another message, that's what I'm going to tell them. I'm becoming more unhinged lately, don't know if that's good or bad. Been getting into arguments with my parents lately too. I just have so much anger inside because i'm 30, my biological clock is ticking but idek if i should have kids cuz im clearly not mentally stable even though starting a family is all i've wanted since i was 12, i'm disappointed I never got my career started (in translation) and still don't know how, i hate i cant find passion in anything anymore. Came here to write this post cuz i just posted a new status on fb and i was anticipating the responses i'd get (or lack of response, but silent judgement).

I posted that i dont have any friends, wish i knew what it was like to have a friend, and that I don't know why i'm still alive, also I called myself a freak, and this comes a few days after I blew up on my mom that i hated my life and wanted to die and made her cry. Didn't mean to make her feel bad but i had so many emotions i couldn't handle them and just blurted it out. Anyway yeah, just wanted to get these thoughts out, bye.