I felt like my father and I’m terrified

This happened maybe 20 minutes ago and I just really calmed down. My father has treated me horribly my whole life and tonight him and my mother were drunk and arguing. Like most nights me and my older brother had to mediate the situation, (making sure they didn’t beat each other) during this I and my older brother restrained my father. I became enraged and began pushing him against the fridge and yelling. During this I wanted so badly to calm down but I couldn’t, and I keep yelling and pushing. I’m scared, I don’t want to be my father.