dearest Phil.Var...

I just want you to know I loved you. I love you still. I just have no hope anymore, not hope for us, but not hope for anything or anyone.

I hate that I knew we'd be amazing together and a person or people you and I trusted got together to hurt us and separate us because they couldn't stand to see us be happy together, they took our choice before we even got the chance to communicate in person about it. I would never be so fucking cruel.

I didn't talk to you at your relative's wedding three years ago because she made sure that I thought you wanted absolutely nothing to do with myself. She and her friends did that, for months, in fact. I told her I liked you, and that I thought you liked myself too, back in 2021, and I immediately lost contact with you and we've never communicated the same since. I wanted to be your date at that wedding and every time a person in my life found out or finds out that I possibly was talking to you, that form of communication was then eliminated, down to the minute I told one friend I was worried about you, then you had myself blocked on another social (that was back in April). I know they are involved in hurting us and separating us from each other Phil, I just wish I knew why. I wish I understood how people I cared for, did everything kind for, supported, and loved... how those people would do this to us.

I know you probably believe them, that I'm crazy, that I turned you down, that I dated 1000000 people, none of that is true. I promised you I'd tell you everything if only you'd be willing to listen, if only they'd stop hacking devices and accounts, your relative(s), my ex(es), my previous friend(s) (because we are not friends anymore, I don't fucking have friends now), my previous family (fuck those people calling themselves family that sought to separate us so they would have more to gain from the estate, those people will never be family to myself).

I know you probably believe them Phil, some of them may be very close to you. I'm begging you to see through their fucking bullshit. Please. I'm begging you to remember who I was and how easily and beautifully we connected without all of their abuse. Please remember that please know how much I loved, cared for, and respected you, and how much I still do. Please know you mean more to myself than they could ever imagine with their hearts full of jealousy and abuse and misery wanting to keep us separated simply because we liked each other. Please remember that's who I am, not what this abuse made myself into.

Please know that with you, Phil.Var..., I would heal, effortlessly, we would heal each other. We had and have that right. Please don't let them destroy the connection we had. Please don't let them destroy our lives. Please help make it stop, Phil. Please know I would never do this to you, please.

I love you. I just don't have any hope left for the world.