yesterday was my birthday and I cant bring myself to keep living after father called me an embarrassment

I turned 18, spent the whole day alone in my room crying. Had no cake, no presents, no hugs, no party, and only 2 people wished me a happy birthday (bf and old classmate.)

later in the day my dad knocked on my door and he asked me to call my grandma to talk to her and I said yes, then my mom said something (cant remember what it was, but it was an innocent comment) and my dad started yelling which made me go into a full panic and I started to cry. Then my dad called me an embarrassment before leaving.

My dad had already been so unbelievably shitty, and I was already feeling suicidal because of how much of a fucking isolated loser I am, and then on my birthday my dad had to call me an embarrassment. After he told me that i couldnt stop loud sobbing and hyperventilating when I left my room to find something to kill myself with right then and there, but instead I saw my mom and just started begging her to answer why he would call me that on my birthday.

ever since yesterday I havent been able to stop crying and I really dont think I can keep going. for my whole life ive felt like an absolute failure, a waste of a human being, but hearing someone verbalize that on the day im supposed to be reminded that im loved just made it so so much worse. I've just been sitting in my room trying not to kill myself every time I remember how horrible I am.

My mom told me she never planned on having me, and that she was one day away from aborting me, and not a single hour goes by where I'm not angry at her for changing her mind last minute and bringing me into this world only to suffer for 18 years then die. I wish my mom would have aborted me. I wish my mom could have had a better life but she instead had this miserable failure and I feel so bad, so so guilty and bad.