I hate having depression while also having a birthday around the corner.

My birthday is this Tuesday. I was really, and I mean really excited, about it a few days ago, but tonight I realized that it doesn't matter. Everyone will tell me “happy birthday” but it feels like they don't mean it and they're just saying it to be nice or to get it out of the way. I told my mom to forget about doing anything for me Friday (when she gets paid), but it won't feel the same. I feel like an asshole and I hate my fucking birthday.

People used to care about my birthday until I got older (I'm turning 16 this year) and before my adopted aunt entered the picture, her birthday is a day before mine and before I moved in with mom, my grandma would force me and her to share birthdays on my aunt's birthday and would make me watch while everyone gave her a mountain of stuff and I'd be lucky to even get a card.

I don't know, maybe this sounds like I'm complaining, and maybe I am, but everyone has always put someone else before me and honestly I'm sick of it.

I don't know if this is a venting space but this just really sucks. I don't vent in spaces like this because I always vent about something trivial compared to what other people vent about. Somebody is always dealing with something worse, and I mean, I'm complaining about my birthday? Fuck me, man.

Tried to post this is r/depression, but the post never went through.