how to stop being "addicted to healing?"

21F here, and I find my "self-awareness" creates a cycle of fueling my toxic shame. I struggle with low self-esteem and maladaptive daydreaming, and during one of my hyperfixations on self-improvement, I stumbled across Heidi Priebe's videos about toxic shame and limerence. This video was honestly a revelation for me as I realized toxic shame has been the cornerstone to a lot of the issues pervading my life (social anxiety, being guarded in both platonic and romantic relationships, always performing, limerence, avoidance/procrastination).

However, as finals week approaches, I'm finding myself hyperfixating on healing/self-help. Not to pathologize myself, but I do have ADHD, so this could just be a way for me to "productively" procrastinate and avoid studying. On the other hand, I think hyperfixating on healing reinforces my toxic shame and the underlying belief that I need to be fixed. I think through focusing on healing, I'll be able to achieve the idealized version of myself that I envision in my head. I do find some childhood memories resurfacing when I watch these healing videos/ research about it, which doesn't help either.

I do have hobbies that could allow me to get out of my head, such as going to the gym, but I find myself viewing these as self-improvement too. I even slowed down on boxing as a hobby as I felt I was not making progress to be as good as the idealized version of myself is.

I've tried talk therapy but it has been hard finding a therapist as I am pretty guarded, plus my last therapist showed a bit of judgment towards me when talking about my executive dysfunction. I'm trying a new therapist who has experience with EMDR soon, but if anyone has any advice, I appreciate it!