Confused between staying for the kids or potentially leaving for lack of fulfillment in marriage.

TLDR:

I feel and know im in this marriage for my kids and thats all. Every time I have sat down and reasoned this in my head this definitely isnt a marriage that im enjoying and I fear the rest of my life will be in this state of anxiety, compromises and isolation from people i care about. I dearly love my kids and they show the love back. I would do anything to keep it that way. Is separating that bad for the kids when everything else on paper is fine?

Need advice and maybe a reality check.

I'm mid 30's married for the last 10 years and have 2 beautiful children. We live in a fairly popular North-American city, with a house and well paying job. Allhumdullillah !

We are the typical, met in college, parents live in a different country got married young and had kids pretty soon after (my wife really wanted too). We have no interests together. Used to at least watch a movie or tv show. She doesn't even want to do that. We were not mature enough to talk about all these things that couples talk about now a days before getting married. That probably is coming back to haunt us.

Lately I'm just void of any feelings, I get anxiety talking to my wife. I fear the time after I put this kids to bed, because its going to be a list of demands or an attack on how im not good enough of a husband.

Some of the topics are:

• Lets have another kid (she wants to try for a gender we dont have)
  • We have two, its already a handful
  • We have no support from family. Her siblings live near by but she doesn't get along with them and thus they don't offer (I wouldn't either if i was in their shoes). Mine don't live in the country.
  • She admits she has anger issues and when she gets angry at any on of us. She will storm out of the house or in her room and then im expected to drop everything and look after the kids. We have cancelled many (family and individual) plans last minute because of this. Latest one, yesterday. In the future it will just be with three kids.
  • She doesn't like doing any household work, so I do laundry, clean washrooms, dust, clean dishes, cook occasionally, eat out, get pre-cooked food . Not sure how adding another kid can help with this. Occasionally we also hire a cleaning lady to come.
  • Despite all this, in order to avoid major escalations we tried twice recently and by Allah's will it didnt happen.
• Lets buy a new house, lets go on a vacation for our anniversary...
  • We live in a house, i can afford on my salary alone. A bigger house based on the market makes sense but she isnt willing to contribute financially.
  • She started a job 6 months ago, follows the my money is my money, yours is mine. I let her and have not asked how she has spent any of her income.
  • In order to buy a house, we need to sell. We need to renovate, that costs money. Money that she wants to use for a vacation now
  • I haven't even brought this to her yet because of the storm it will start. I want to go meet my family. We haven't gone there in 2 years. My parents keep asking, i just keep ignoring or delaying my response.
• I dont do enough, earn enough, love enough, respect enough
  • Allah knows my intention and tbh some of this is just from past trauma where i dont want to say stuff in fear that she will take this the wrong way or completely flip the switch.
  • An example, when zohran mamdani became NYC mayor. I said "He is only 34 and a mayor. Here i am convincing my wife that we shouldnt have a another kid". Her response, if you dont like me you shouldnt have married me and stayed single till 34.... Not even sure how to respond to that.
  • On the same lines she has sweared at me, slapped me once and thrown things in my general direction. Although none of this has happened in the last 18 months.
  • Lately, she made some offhand comments on how my dad's estate wont give us our proper share. These comments alone have made me question every single thing about my future. My dad is a very much alive and well. May he live a long and healthy life, Ameen. I just cant even fathom how this is something she already thinks about and for my parents. I have never asked nor plan on asking what her family estate planning is.

I have to give credit where its due, she is a God fearing lady and practising muslim. This is less about being muslim but more about marriage and the punishment for divorce in islam.