AITAH for leaving my friends behind?

I (25mtf, Terri), & my fiancée (24f, Ellie) had some friends (27ftm, Sam) & (26nb, Leaf).

For some background information: Sam went to school with Ellie, and before coming out as a trans man, he was her first "girlfriend". They were never very close until adulthood, when he became our tattoo artist. Sam had told us about his new partner, Leaf, who he was getting serious with. After a year or so, Leaf had moved down from Washington to be with Sam and they had gotten engaged. With us also being engaged, we ended up trying to genuinely get to know them and become friends. Several long nights of hanging out, trauma dumping, & playing board games later, they had introduced us into their larger friend group and we all 4 gotten closer and closer as time went on. So close, in fact, that I ended up officiating their wedding. Following that, we came to regard the 2 of them as family. We had a lot of common interests and similarities, but the biggest of them all was that we were all queer, stuck in the South, desperately hoping to find a way out.

At the beginning of this year, Ellie & I began to plan our escape. We'd decided to take her 401k from her job, a small savings, & whatever we could fit in a Uhaul to leave the South and never look back. Sam and Leaf were also planning an eventual way out, so I suggested to Ellie that we talk to them about possibly moving together. After some deliberation, we agreed and brought the idea to them, to which they wholeheartedly said yes. I suggested a town a few hours away, an affordable blue dot in a sea of red known for its progressiveness, that we had found while helping our friend get access to healthcare. It felt like a dream we all shared, and brought us together on a deeper level.

We started making plans for the move, looking at places and trying to get out of that hellhole of a state. Then, after months of failed rent-to-owns, a scam, & a couple apartment rentals come and gone later, summer was almost over, we'd hit a wall after nearly half a year of consistently looking for a place to move to. I finally made a last ditch effort for us all to move, fully planning it all myself while getting their input & working around their needs/schedules, and fully funding it all with our savings.

We were not asking anything more of them both than to remain optimistic and stick to the plans we all agreed upon. You see, Sam & Leaf had a bad habit of not following through on plans made. On our first visit to the town as group, they let us down. The drive to the town was 5 hours long and Ellie had never driven on bigger highways like Sam had, so he had agreed to drive us that morning (leaving at 4 am) so we could make it to viewings with time to spare. Instead of resting up and taking the trip seriously, they spent the night before getting drunk at a last minute hangout with their friend group, getting home at 2 am. Sam insisted he could still drive, but after a bit, Ellie had to take over. Leaf spent the day being rude and complaining, only to have Sam's car have issues on the way back home that night due to him inexplicably bringing along his tattooing chair in the back, hitting a bump with the weight slamming down and knocking his tires out of alignment. He passive aggressively made it out to be our fault, somehow, but we let it go.

That was a month or so before the last straw. On an agreed upon weeknight, less than 2 weeks before the planned move date, we were supposed to meet up and make sure all was going smoothly. After a call the weekend before and a few canceled meetups, they had not been responding to the group chat when Ellie & I would check in, and they were not doing what they said they would to get ready for the move. With such a close deadline, Ellie and I were nervous and upset, unsure of how to move forward. Then they canceled again, as they claimed they hadn't known the plan to meet that night and instead were going to drink and smoke with their friend group. Ellie said she was "frankly tired of dragging their dead weight". I was upset but willing to talk it out the next day, finally hearing back from someone about a longshot possible plan we'd had that was going to be all we had hoped for. Earlier in the night, I had texted them expressing disappointment with another cancelation, but telling them we were still looking forward to the move. Leaf responded with hostility in a short text at 2:30am, waking me & prompting me to reconsider the whole idea of moving with them, as I had felt taken advantage of and done at that point. Then, that morning, when Ellie told them we needed to talk, Leaf got snippy again, then they both passive aggressively "thumbs upped" the text.

This is where I may have messed up. I snapped, saying I was "disappointed in their lack of maturity", that I was "done with this and didn’t want to waste any more time", then blocked them. No mean words, no cursing, no disrespect, just straightforward. I was done.

They blew up Ellie's phone, and after hearing them say that they "didn't mean anything" that they "didn't understand why I'd been so mean" but they were both crying, hyper-ventilating, and upset. Ellie said I may have been in the wrong, but that she was at work and couldn't handle it all so I needed to figure it out.

So, after some time to calm down, I unblocked them to explain my grievances and air it out, hoping to possibly fix things if I was truly in the wrong. I explained how being blown off by them so often made me feel hurt, explained why them being rude to Ellie made me upset, and that I didn't know how to trust that they weren't being hateful as I didn't see how else their messages and tone could be interpreted, and that it was for the best if we moved separately.

They never addressed anything I said, saying instead that they were used to being abandoned, claiming I'd hurt them so deeply they didn't know what to say, and repeatedly saying they needed space. So we gave it to them, only responding when they said the same things again in a different order about how they were so hurt and didn't understand how I could throw away the friendship so easily, to which I'd explain myself again and they'd ignore me.

After a month of silence, Leaf texted Ellie saying they didn't know how to speak to me after how I hurt Sam, that they were used to abuse but when I hurt him they weren't able to handle it, etc. Their messages painted me as 100% the only one in the wrong, misusing therapy speak and talking about how much pain I caused them. Ellie gave my number and tried to ask them to talk it out, only to get another erratic speech on how I'm so awful for what I did, which Ellie got annoyed by and didn't respond.

Fast forward 3 full months after that, we've moved on, are in our safe place now in a great, peaceful community, and they're stuck in the South unhappy. I got tired of the anger I felt towards them, not knowing how to fix things as I'd said and done all I could, so I blocked them a month ago. Leaf texted me just tonight and went on a long tangent about how they actually had tried to fix things and didn't believe I could just block them and not even try, as if I hadn't multiple times. They ended their message twisting back the words I'd said to them months ago about how disappointed, hurt, and done they were. Implying I was the one with a lack of maturity, ending with "Goodbye!" It frustrated me, and I wonder if I might truly be in the wrong for ending the friendship over their behavior and leaving them in an unsafe environment.

So, Reddit, Am I the Asshole for leaving them behind?