Lack of intimacy is eating me

My wife and I have been struggling with intimacy for about a year. It went from once a week to once a month, and when I tried to initiate I would often get ignored. That left me anxious, so now I ask safe things like “do you want to shower together?” because I’m scared of being rejected.

We are having sex more again, but it usually feels like she is doing it for me. I miss feeling wanted. When we first started dating she flirted and initiated all the time, but that has faded. She still loves me, but the spark feels gone.

Today really hit me. We started getting intimate and she had to close her eyes and go quiet to get into the mood. It made me feel like she was somewhere else in her head, not with me. It killed the connection for me and I couldn’t perform. I didn’t want sex at that point, just closeness. She asked what was wrong and I said I still feel like a chore. She said she doesn’t know how to help.

I love my wife, I want to feel close, but I don’t know how to bridge this gap. Has anyone gone through something like this and found their way back?