My Partner (18) Keeps "Jokingly" Accusing Me (18) of Cheating.

My partner always mentions cheating to me in someway or another. I noticed it pretty early in the beginning of our relationship, and I thought it was just a funny little quip between us to exaggerate how something simple was the other cheating.. You know like, "oh, you're spending more time with your friends, you cheater".. Light and playful tones, it really didn't seem like they were ever serious. However, the longer our relationship went, the more the jokes kept persisting. I'm honestly pretty exhausted with it since it's already been a little more than a year together and they just wont let up. My status is off on a gaming platform? why? are you cheating? You're still in contact with these friends and have simple interactions with them? CHEATER. Ohh What were you doing earlier today? cheating on me? whatcha thinking about? CHEATING???

An entire year of this. Whether its joked about once or consistently throughout the day, every time I'm with them, they find a way to incorporate this joke towards me. I know they are just joking, but sometimes it does feel like a genuine accusation under the guise of a joke. I've already talked to them about it on a couple of occasions, even to the point I got them to swear up and down they wouldn't joke that way about me again, however, i guess it wasn't a serious promise since they slowly began with the jokes a few days after.

For context, their ex DID cheat on them, so I understand where this insecurity is coming from, but I've also taken into account that I am a great partner. I've always been the doting type to endlessly gift or dedicate things to them. I always compliment and support them, and I'm always with them. Because of their jokes towards me about "Oh, you were with your friend again? cheater.." I actually saw myself pull away more and more from friend interactions.. Even missing a day with them for work or school was incorporated into a cheating joke, as if I should skip out on those things for them.. It became uncomfortable for me, and i often second-guessed myself when I wanted to do something because I wasn't sure what they'd think.

We've recently fixed this issue between us, and I've become more stubborn with myself so I don't cave in and give them all my time when I need to do something, but they still keep that little cheating insecurity with them. It feels exhausting every time they bring up cheating now, to the point I almost don't even want to defend myself because I get so annoyed that I literally don't wanna speak to them. Their paranoia is annoying and even if I can understand their trauma of being cheated on, I think that a year of my constant loyalty and love should have put these worries to rest. I've given up a lot for them and they know it too, yet they have even told me seriously that they do believe I would cheat on them. When I brought up how hurt and disregarded I felt, they backtracked and told me they didn't mean it, but I'm not so sure.

Additionally, I did date one of their mutuals but only briefly, however, my partner often voices how they feel like I'm only with them because I couldn't make it work with their mutual back then, even though I was the one that pulled away from that relationship in the first place.. I even blocked said mutual to ease my partner's mind but they saw it as performative and they still feel very nervous to even let me be in the same space as that mutual, even if my partner is present. They often skip out on hangouts when that mutual is there, but only if I'm already with my partner. They don't want me around that mutual, even though they didn't say it to me, i think its been made obvious.

I've always tried to reassure my partner but they think that I am a liar because of how easily I lie to my family, however, I am not that great of a liar, I only lie well with my family because I have been with them all my life. 18 years of trial and error with the people you grew up with will makes it pretty easy to know what's believable to them and what isn't. I have been caught in my lies by my friends before and by coworkers and teachers.. I know I am not a good liar... And even more, I've always been pretty honest to my partner about almost everything, anyway. I am the most honest with them, even sharing my deepest secrets to them that I often felt regret for sharing after, but they always make me feel safe enough that I feel like I can tell them anything.

The only times I have lied to them is when they changed plans because they are tired or don't wanna drive (I don't drive yet so I cant offer), and I didn't wanna force them to stick to the plans just because I'm sad about it, so I'd always lie about being okay with it. I mean when you force someone to do something, they become sour about it, at least from what I've seen with many people. That is LITERALLY the only time i lie. I am very honest with them, describing in detail a lot of things about me to them easily.

I often feel very unseen because they don't see just how truthful I am, and it often feels like I'll never be enough no matter how truthful or loyal I am. For some reason, I am the most untrustworthy person to my partner. I just don't know what to do about this since communicating about it hasn't changed anything with them, and I'm honestly just very exhausted with it. I don't know how to get them to stop and this doesn't feel like a big enough thing to me to wanna do something crazy like take time apart or something, so I'm just not sure what can be done about this.