41, no career, what would you suggest?

I am someone with many talents, but few credentials. I grew up in the Midwest, moved to Hawaii when I was 23 because I discovered surfing which became an all-consuming passion. Eventually I found spearfishing as well which became another favorite way to spend time in the ocean (my church). I got a BA in sociology, which is essentially useless. Functionally, all it supplied me with was more debt than I can even imagine paying back.

I have a CELTA certificate, just because I want to move overseas and thought, "Hey that would be useful to have." Though, I don't really like teaching. I've been a barista, carpenter's apprentice, general laborer, clerk, cashier, line cook, salesman, freelance personal trainer, outreach worker, tutor, substitute, valet, you name it. Didn't like any of it. Frankly, there's nothing I want to do for 8 hours everyday for the rest of my life. That seems pretty rational to me.

6 years ago I moved back home from Hawaii to spend time with my mom who was dying slowly from congestive heart failure. She died a year ago. Now that she's gone, I am really wanting to move back to Hawaii or overseas somewhere I can surf and spearfish regularly. But I am afraid of going back into the rat race, to be honest. I don't know what it's like to not be on food stamps my entire adult life. I don't know what it's like to not be borderline homeless constantly.

I lived in Hawaii for 11 years. 9 of those years I earned less than $9 an hour, often with less than 40 hours of work a week. But I was in my twenties, surfing my guts out, dating, hiking, and generally enjoying my life. Then I got injured, couldn't use my arms anymore for my labor job, and fell well below the poverty line. The last job I had was part time private tutoring with school aged kids, one on one, $30 an hour, super low stress. But that company's funding from the state dried up.

I hate teaching classrooms full of kids. I hate the emotional labor of pretending to feel some kind of way I don't. I would be a terrible waiter. I have some kind of learning disability when it comes to math, otherwise I would have gone into physical therapy or something like that. I appreciate that field considering all the injuries I've had to rehab myself. But the chemistry and physics preclude my ability to even get into the program.

I genuinely don't know what to do. I am burnt out on trying to become something worthy of a roof over my head and food in my stomach. Studying sociology, among many other social sciences while in college, only resulted in further ideological alienation because I 100% no longer believe we live in anything resembling a meritocracy. I think it's quite clear that hard work or even the usefulness of what you do isn't what creates economic stability for individuals. Luck, exploitation, and just straight up dishonesty has far more to do with it than anyone wants to admit.

It's hard to want to keep playing a fixed game of Monopoly but that's clearly my only option. It's the only option for most of us, unless you're one of the lucky ones who's fixing the game in your favor. I am good with kids, animals, art, cooking, baking, athletic training, martial arts, communication, conflict resolution, systems thinking, growing things, organization, and yet, I have no fcking clue how to make money. And I am very tired of trying to figure it out.