I don't know anymore

Hello everyone who might read this I (16M) Am making this post because a friend told me I should I'm not sure what to say so sorry if this is long I recently had a friend over at my place whom I haven't talked with since we were 11 we used to be best friends but drifted away when I moved when he was over here me and him had a couple beers while in the garage we talked about what was new with us and I don't know why but I randomly blurted out "I just want to Die" he was silent but told me to continue and so i told him I've always wanted to die my entire life not because I'm sad or mad or experiencing anything like that I just don't want to live i feel so tired like every breath, movement, thought and word just makes me even more tired and makes me want to put a shotgun in my mouth I find the idea of death so perfect I just want to drift endlessly in a black void sleeping only to never wake up my friend is the only person I told about this ever except for you dear reader he didn't reply with anything he just said I should make a post about it and left and now I'm sitting here contemplating whether or not I should just drown myself in the icy river in my backyard my only reason for living this entire time has been because of my mother who gave birth to me at 15 and raised on her own until she met my step father and also because of my boyfriend (18M) he constantly tells me how I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him and how he needs me. My family, my friends and my partner only know me for the mask I show them they see me as a happy responsible teenager who likes elden ring and anime and wants to be an engineer but in reality I'm just a depressing, hopeless, tired shell. Recently the thoughts have been becoming more prominent everywhere I go no matter what i can't help but picture in detail how to kill myself and how the cold black void of death would feel embracing me. There's probably a lot more I should have added to this but who cares since I might not even still be alive to add onto this or fix it thank you for wasting your time to read what I've had to say.