I have never known one second of happiness

2025 is the worst year of my life. Last year my brother died, it was fucking awful as it sounds. But there were some moments of peace in my family afterwards. This year I started college and I tell you this whole semester has been a run through the gauntlet. Was lied to and discarded, my first heartbreak (if you really care then look at my post history) It led me to do some serious introspection, why am I the way I am? And I found nothing good there, I don't think I have ever really been happy in life. Childhood is just benign complaceny, but most of the significant memories are all bad: poverty, abuse, fights, bullying. And it just spirals downwards further and further with no sign of improving. I was not made for this world