Peer Support Needed

I had basically been sober from alcohol since July 1st. I had some small slip ups, but like many people with substance abuse issues, I justified them. I started thinking things like oh, it was just one and I shouldn’t let that ruin my progress/positive mindset which evolved to oh but its just beer/wine. If I just have one it’ll be fine! I just can’t have hard liquor which evolved to okay, but as long as I don’t have more than one every hour its fine which I know damn well I can’t control myself, then that evolved to okay, but I know I can stop any time I want. Dude…🙄 iykyk.

Now, at the time of writing this, I have severely fucked up.

It’s affecting my career, my mental health, even my ability to hold space in my interpersonal relationships. Especially when it comes to findom relationships/dynamics. Drinking and drugging makes all my usual calm, stable, grounded and peaceful energy fly RIGHT out the window and brings on uncertainty and chaos…I am struggling tonight especially. My ability to hold space for a sub and contain them (not only the sub, but also myself) or even appropriately interact with them is wishy-washy at best. I think I just burned a bridge with a sub that I didn’t necessarily want to burn, and even if I did want to end it, I’m in no place to make that decision right now.

My DMs are open, I just really need some solidarity even if it’s in the form of an internet stranger. Open to dommes/friends ONLY!