New Super Mario in Home Alone

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The original posts on other sites were uploaded out of season (besides deviantart), but I was waiting until December to post it on my main places. As you can tell, I am a huge Super Mario fan, but I also don't like the Home Alone movies, so why am I doing this? Another perspective; to show that the robber side can be just as interesting. To show that maybe some of the traps were too intense if they are done on the protagonists instead, while keeping this fanfic still mostly lighthearted. In other words, hitting people with traps just isn't funny on my watch, but it doesn't have to be… enjoy the antics, wahoo!

Once upon a time, there was a castle from a land of ? blocks and platforms, flowers and fungi. However, the place was not as “paradise” as it appeared. A big monster, the king of his own land, often snatches the princess of the place I mentioned earlier. Yes, this is none other than the Mushroom Kingdom, home to Toads, Yoshis, and of course, the Mario Bros. They need no explanation, unless you’re really old. However, this story is about something more than that. This is the story of a party of four facing a party of ONE…

…plus additional help.

(<< Rewind Tape)

(– Press Start)

Chapter 1: Set Up

Mario and Luigi are at the castle helping the many Toads get ready for Santa to come and visit. It is Christmas Eve.

Luigi: Oh boy, Santa is coming tonight!

Mario: Do you-a-think he’ll get us more Nintendo Switch 2 games?

Luigi: I-a-starred it on my list. Three times!

Mario: Great!

Four Toads walk by with preparations. One is yellow, and one in blue.

Blue Toad: *Holding a glass of cold milk* Hey, do you think this will be warm when Chris Kringle stops by?



Yellow Toad: Yeah.

 

Blue Toad: Why so?



Yellow Toad: Because I have a brain.



Blue Toad: Oh shut up! I’m sure the cookies in the tray you’re holding will be stale by the time he is here.



Yellow Toad: And why’s that?



Blue Toad: Because I have a brain.



Yellow Toad: *Looks away in frustration* Sure…

Preparations are going very well. Princess Peach is already in bed, getting her beauty sleep so she can be up and awake early on the 25th, A.K.A. tomorrow morning. However, Bowser Jr. broke through the window and captured the princess!

Peach: AH, HELP!!

A few Toads rush to her bedroom, only to find a broken window, scattered blankets, and no princess, as she is being loaded onto an airship. They then rush back, shouting that Princess Peach was captured just now.

Mario: Typical. Ah– I mean, oh no!



Luigi: C’mon let’s go save her! *Notices Mario’s disappointed expression* The quicker we-a-catch up, the quicker this is-a-over.



Mario: You said it, bro. Let’s-a-go!

The brothers run after the airship like it’s a shooting star. Yellow Toad and Blue Toad watch.

Blue Toad: I know what you’re thinking. To follow them. Don’t– this special day doesn’t come every… well, day.



Yellow Toad: So you DON’T want extra presents?

Blue Toad: Oh, good point!

The two colored Toads catch up to the Bros. They are still chasing the airship. Bowser steps to the balcony.

Bowser: Peach is the best present I could ask for, so don’t think today will be any easier!



Mario: What makes you-a-say that?



Blue Toad: Yeah, Mario’s win streak is bigger than your “confidence.”

Bowser: Starts to get really angry You disrespect and humiliate me for the last time!! Kamek, do the thing!

Kamek: With pleasure!

Kamek then shoots the four with his magical wand, teleporting them somewhere else.

They regain consciousness in a plain neighborhood, close to one house bigger than the others.

Luigi: Ugh… where-a-are we?



Mario: Chicago.



Yellow Toad: Whoa, how do you know? And so fast?



Mario: Eh, you-a-get used to it when traveling a whole lot.



Blue Toad: Hey guys look, a payphone!



Luigi: Wow, we-a-must be back in time! Or this neighborhood is just-a-extra old.



Mario: In a place like Chicago? I don't think so, we are-a-back in time. Alright, we need to find a way out of here, to Bowser.



Yellow Toad: You said it!

Mario, Luigi, and Yellow Toad walk on the sidewalk. Blue Toad does not go anywhere, staring at a window from the upstairs floor of the large house.

Blue Toad: That light in that window looks really bright… and yellow.



Yellow Toad: Mario, you’re a doctor, can you diagnose him with ADHD already?



Mario: I'm-a-not certified in determining that.



Blue Toad: Ha, that THAT piss color!



Yellow Toad: *Gives Blue Toad a dirty look*.



Luigi: Wait, he has a point. About the window. It's a Super Star!



Mario: Is the light-a-moving around?



Luigi: No.



Mario: Then it's a Power Star, as they stay still. If it's-a-here of all places, then its purpose must be to-a-teleport us out of here!



Luigi: Good point, we'll-a-head there then.

The four approach the large house's doorstep. Luigi rings the doorbell. After two minutes, Blue Toad gets impatient.

Blue Toad: Alright, whoever's home isn't listening. I'm going in.



Luigi: Don’t go-a-trespassing, just wait with us.



Blue Toad: *Walking away* I'm not wasting time on Christmas Eve. Whoever lives here probably is out, and left the light on.



Luigi: Alright… but only if the other-a-two are on board.

Chapter 2: Split Up

Blue Toad, who wants to barge in this big Chicago house, makes Luigi question if they should really do this. The others’ responses?

Yellow Toad: Yep!



Mario: Uh… alright.



Luigi: OK. Since-a-everybody agrees with you, I guess we’ll-a-just go in ourselves then, to get the Star.



Blue Toad: I wanna go with Yellow!



Yellow Toad: Yeah!



Luigi: You-a-two always argue, so it's not really a smart choice.



Yellow Toad: What?!



Blue Toad: No way, come on!



Mario: He-a-has a point.



Luigi: Sorry Toads.



Blue Toad: Fine. We're going through the back Luigi.



Mario: Then me and Yellow Toad are-a-going through the front.

Luigi and Blue Toad walk to the back of the house. Mario and Yellow Toad brainstorm.

Yellow Toad: So what should we do?



Mario: Get in the house. I thought we were-a-all on board.



Yellow Toad: No, I mean HOW are we gonna get in?



Mario: Oh. Well, picklocking sounds-a-reasonable. I don’t-a-have anything to picklock with, though.

As Mario says he doesn’t have anything, Yellow Toad reaches into his pocket for a paper clip and is about to put it in the door lock.

Mario: Oh, you do.

Right when Yellow Toad puts the paperclip in, he takes his hand away really fast.

Yellow Toad: Ah! That knob burns!



Mario: Huh, strange. *He reaches for the doorknob*



Yellow Toad: What are you doing I said-



Mario: *Turns the doorknob handle calmly* It’s-a-fine, I have heat-resistant gloves.



Yellow Toad: Oh, nice job!



Mario: Don’t-a-thank me, thank the gloves!

Meanwhile, Luigi and Blue Toad are at the back of the house, looking down at the back door. A few steps of stairs lead down to it.

Blue Toad: Well, here it is. Our way in.

Luigi: Yep.

Luigi and Blue Toad walk on the first step, but end up slipping down to the bottom of the stairs and crashing right into the door, due to the surface being frozen with ice.

Luigi: Slippery steps!



Blue Toad: I know right? *Looks around* Hmm… it looks like we’re in the basement. The door that lets us enter the actual house must be down here somewhere.



Luigi: Yes, it must be. By the way, you can-a-go first.



Blue Toad: Go first?



Luigi: Yes, as in-a-walk in front of me. You-a-know, like the line leader?



Blue Toad: What does this look like, kindergarten? What, are you afraid of the DARK?



Luigi: No! Well, yes… sometimes. It depends. Only in unfamiliar atmospheres that could-a-possibly be dangerous, and this, my friend, is an unfamiliar atmosphere that could-a-possibly be dangerous.

Blue Toad: Oh, don’t be such a baby Luigi! Seriously, get over it!

Luigi: Jeez, it’s-a-just instincts.

Blue Toad: Sighs in disapproval How about this– We take turns. You walk ahead now, and I walk ahead after you in a little bit. What do you say?

Luigi: Alright. It’s-a-just a house, after all. I’ve dealt with worse, haunted ones before.

Blue Toad: There you go, that’s the spirit! Now move.

Luigi is in front, and Blue Toad is in the back, both walking through the basement to find the entrance to the inside of the house.

Luigi: *Notices a pull switch* Well, it wouldn’t hurt to-a-turn on the light.

Luigi pulls the switch, but it just falls into his hands.

Luigi: Was it-a-already loose or did I break–

Before he can say “it,” an iron falls on his head, then he falls down to the ground.

Blue Toad: *Runs to Luigi* What the hell?! Uh, um, how many fingers am I holding up?



Luigi: *Dizzy and has a big mark on his forehead* Strollin’ Stu?



Blue Toad: Oh boy. You can have another turn.

He doesn’t respond, so Blue Toad drags a very confused Luigi through the basement while looking for the way up.

Back at the front door, Mario is holding onto the doorknob, not pushing it.

Yellow Toad: Aren’t you gonna open the door and go in?

Mario: Yes, sorry, I’m-a-just hesitant, this feels-a-so wrong.

Yellow Toad: It’s for the best…

Mario: Right! Shows confidence

Yellow Toad: …presents.

Mario: What?

Yellow Toad: Nothing. Just stop stalling and open the door!

Mario: Will do!

Mario opens the door and walks inside. But when he does, a blowtorch spews fire on his head. He then turns around, sprints, and dives into the snow outside, yelling the whole time.

Mario: *Head in the snow to put out the fire* Phew.



Yellow Toad: Are you all good?



Mario: *Takes his head out* Yeah. My hat has-a-seen better days though.



Yellow Toad: Do you need help, or something?



Mario: No, no, I’m-a-fine. *Gets up off the ground by jumping up*



Yellow Toad: I swear, the people who live here are mental.

In the basement, Blue Toad is now in front, while Luigi (who is no longer dizzy) is more cautious than he was before. Blue Toad steps in black tar stuff, which is very sticky.

Blue Toad: Hey, I’m stuck. Help!

Luigi tries pulling Blue Toad out, but he does not succeed.

Luigi: You’re gonna have to-a-take your shoes off.



Blue Toad: Fine. *Takes off shoes*

The two start to walk up stairs, which should finally bring them to the door that lets them go into the house.

Luigi: Abandon shoes!



Blue Toad: Shut up.



Luigi: Sorry.

As Luigi says “sorry,” Blue Toad’s foot steps in a nail sticking straight up on the stairs. He yells, and then falls back down the stairs, bringing Luigi down with him.

Blue Toad: *On top of Luigi; in panic and pain* LUIGI!! There’s a NAIL, in my FOOT!!



Luigi: *Getting up and scooching him off* I see… yeesh, it’s-a-pretty bloody.



Blue Toad: YOU DON’T SAY!!



Luigi: Here, a-hold on a sec.

Luigi takes a torn wrap from the ground and an alcohol container from a nearby shelf, then uses it to aid Blue Toad’s foot.

Blue Toad: Oh wow, thanks so much for that! By the way, I didn’t know you were a doctor like Mario is.

Luigi: I sure am!

Blue Toad: Since when?

Luigi: 2013.

In the house, Mario and Yellow Toad walk in search of the Power Star.

Mario: Nice place they’ve-a-got here.



Yellow Toad: It’s decent. But we didn’t come in here without permission to look at furniture and crap.



Mario: Yes. I believe it’s-a-upstairs since that’s where Blue Toad saw that-a-bright yellow light he described.



Yellow Toad: Oh yeah that’s right. I’m not sure where the stairs in this house are, though.

Not paying attention, they both walk into this gluey wrap-like material.

Yellow Toad: Ew… what the heck!



Mario: Honestly, that-a-could’ve been a lot worse like the other weirdness from-a-earlier.

Right after Mario says that, he and Yellow Toad get covered with feather blew from a fan.

Mario: I guess I-a-spoke too soon.



Yellow Toad: Forget it! We need to keep moving!

Yellow Toad has trouble walking with all the feathers stuck to him, and Mario follows him, also having that same issue.

Yellow Toad: How do birds live like this?

Luigi and Blue are at a window, outside the house.

Blue Toad: Screw the basement, we’ll just get in through here!



Luigi: OK.

Blue Toad opens the window for Luigi, so Luigi steps in the house.

Luigi: Blue Toad wait, don't come in! There’s–



Blue Toad: Cannonball!!!

Unfortunately, when Blue Toad hits the ground he lands on scattered Christmas tree ornaments, which break due to being crushed and cut his bare feet. His cannonball also knocks Luigi forward, causing Luigi to land on his knees, which end up landing on other ornaments on the ground that give cuts to him, too.

Luigi and Blue Toad: Owow owow ow!!

They say that the whole way as they struggle to get out of that sharded mess. When they make it out, Blue Toad isn’t happy.

Blue Toad: Why didn’t you warn me??



Luigi: I-a-tried, but you jumped in before I could!



Blue Toad: Oh, sorry.



Luigi: It’s-a-alright. By the way, is the Star upstairs or downstairs?



Blue Toad: I saw the light of it come from a window of the upstairs floor. Look, the stairs are right there!

Blue Toad and Luigi run towards where the stairs are, but then crash into Mario and Yellow Toad.

Luigi: Mario!



Mario: Luigi!



Blue Toad: Yellow!



Yellow Toad: Blue!

Chapter 3: Meet Up

The four have finally met back up. They all look ridiculous and beat up.

Luigi: Mario, what-a-happened to your hat?



Mario: A blowtorch melted some of it. It’s-a-OK, not the first time a hat of mine was-a-ruined. Oh my, your head!

Luigi: Wait, that iron left a mark?

Mario: AN IRON?!?

Yellow Toad: Why is there a bandage on your foot?

Blue Toad: Luigi put it on me, because it was injured by what I’d call booby traps! I’m guessing that’s why you have feathers all over you?

Yellow Toad: Yep. I hate this place!

Blue Toad: Me too!

Mario: Is-a-everybody OK?

Luigi, Yellow Toad and Blue Toad: Yes.

Mario: Has-a-anybody gotten the Star yet?

Luigi, Yellow Toad and Blue Toad: No.

Blue Toad: We haven’t been able to go upstairs yet.

Luigi: Well, we’re-a-right next to the stairs now.

Kevin: “You guys give up, or are you thirsty for more?”

8-year-old Kevin McCallister sits at the middle of the stairs, holding the Power Star in his hands.

Kevin: Looking for this? *Points to the Star in his hand*



Mario, Luigi, Yellow Toad and Blue Toad: YES!!



Kevin: Well, you can’t have it! No thieves are gonna steal anything that belongs to MY house!



Blue Toad: We’re no thieves, but you sure are a jerk!



Mario: That-a-doesn’t belong to you, nor anybody!



Kevin: Then who does it belong to?



Yellow Toad: The universe! Or, some universe. Probably ours. Wait, is this ours?



Luigi: We need it to get back home!



Kevin: That doesn’t make any sense, I know you want it so you can sell it for a lot of money. Not gonna happen!

Kevin runs with the Star, and Luigi immediately reacts and starts chasing him. The others run behind him. However, Yellow Toad slips on Micro Machines (small toy vehicles) scattered in a clump on the floor, before he can even get on the first step. Also, a paint can swings swiftly right at Mario’s forehead. This causes him to fall back on Blue Toad, knocking them both down to the bottom of the stairs, right on top of Yellow.

Blue Toad: Ugh, this must be how Luigi felt when I fell on him in the basement and knocked him and me down the… wait, Luigi! You’re still going!



Mario: Get the Star, you can-a-do it!

Luigi, mid-chase, dives and grabs onto Kevin’s leg, making him fall on the steps that he was running on.

Luigi: Gotcha!

Kevin notices his brother Buzz’s pet tarantula, Axl, passing by. He quickly picks it up and places it on Luigi’s face.

Luigi: YAAAAAAH!!!

Luigi swats it off his face, very afraid. Mario and the Toads catch up.

Blue Toad: Why didn’t you get it? You were RIGHT THERE!



Luigi: I did, but-a-then that kid put a tarantula on-a-my face!



Blue Toad: That’s it? Wow Luigi, you’re such a coward.



Mario: HEY, no he’s-a-not! What would you do if a huge bug was on-a-YOUR face?

Blue Toad: Just shrugs.

Yellow Toad: Shut up shut up SHUT UP!! That boy is gonna get way ahead of us!

Luigi: He already is.

Yellow Toad: Damn it!

The crew runs up the rest of the stairs and then run more. During this, Luigi notices Kevin through a window he passes by, so he walks back to it.

Luigi: Hey guys, look! The kid’s-a-over there!



Mario: He must have-a-ziplined to that treehouse!



Yellow Toad: We’re gonna have to get there by holding on the rope!



Blue Toad: Dang, It’s so high up! But, I know we don’t have a choice.

Mario, Luigi, Yellow Toad, and Blue Toad make their way there via the line. Before they can get very far, Kevin comes out of the treehouse with hedge trimmers and squeezes it under the rope to cut it. The four panic when they see this.

Mario: No NO PLEASE NO!



Luigi: No no NO NO!



Yellow Toad: Wait! Don’t please NO!



Blue Toad: NO are you CRAZY don’t NO!

Kevin cuts the wire, making rope swing down at the wall and, of course, bringing the four with it. They fall off from the impact of the wall and fall down on the ground, yelling.

Luigi: Ugh… mama mia, my back.

Kevin: Hey guys, try to catch me!

The crew all get up, and Mario gets ready to run, but Yellow Toad stops him.

Yellow Toad: Don’t follow him! We keep following him, and we get hurt! Don’t you see? This is all a part of his plan, so we need to outsmart him!



Blue Toad: Hey, we should go around! He won’t expect that!



Yellow Toad: Good idea!



Mario: Wait, that actually might-a-work.

Kevin walks back to the house. However, when he does, he sees Mario, Luigi, Yellow Toad, and Blue Toad all standing in the house. Mario picks Kevin up and attaches his shirt to a hanger so he can’t go anywhere.

Yellow Toad: Ha! We caught you!



Blue Toad: How do you like them apples, you little turd!



Luigi: You’re, like, the same-a-height as him.



Mario: Nevermind the boy’s height, we-a-need the Power Star. Kid, please, hand it over.

Kevin, without hesitation, hands it over out of fear since they are right in front of him and have him trapped.

Luigi: So what’s-a-your name?



Blue Toad: Don’t associate with the turd, Luigi.



Luigi: Aww…

As they talk, Old Man Marley lurks behind them, and then hits Yellow Toad in the head with his shovel. But he barely flinches.

Yellow Toad: Did you seriously just try to knock me out by striking my HEAD? It acts like a mushy helmet. *Grabs the shovel and throws it outside* Come on guys, we have the Star. Let’s get out of here!



Mario: Good idea!

Mario, holding the Power Star, runs away with Luigi and the Toads. However, Old Man Marley takes Kevin’s shirt off of the hook.

Chapter 4: Wrap Up

Harry and Marv, also known as the Wet Bandits, parked their stolen truck and are now walking to the McCallister’s house.

Harry: It’s 9 pm, right on the dot. I’ve been looking forward to this all day.



Marv: Hey, why are there cops surrounding it?



Harry: Cops? Oh shoot, that kid must’ve overheard us! Forget the house, let’s scram!

Mario runs into Marv, who then shoves Mario.

Marv: Hey, what’s your problem?



Mario: It’s about to be resolved very soon, I think! Sorry!

Mario runs forward. Luigi, Yellow Toad, and Blue Toad shortly run past them, too. Eventually they get decently far from the house. However, they see Kevin chasing them in the distance, holding a pump-action Daisy BB gun.

Luigi: AAH! He’s-a-got a GUN!



Mario: Is it a toy gun?!



Luigi: I can’t tell!!



Yellow Toad: See, I told you he was mental!

Kevin shoots Blue Toad in the butt.

Blue Toad: OW, why me?!



Kevin: You won’t get away with this, criminals!



Mario: The Star is glowing more. It could mean something! Everybody, hold on to me!

Everybody holds onto Mario, or at least touches him. Remember, they are all still running away. Kevin aims his BB gun straight at Mario. The Star eventually illuminates super bright and teleports the gang, right before Kevin can pull the trigger.

Kevin: Where’d you all go?

No response. No one is there. Just darkness and houses.

Kevin: If any of you are here, listen up! You might have won this time but you guys try to steal from me or anybody else again, and I’ll make SURE that you go down!

Yellow Toad, Luigi, Blue Toad, and Mario in an instant find themselves back in the Mushroom Kingdom.

Blue Toad: Are we… back?



Luigi: I-a-think so. There’s a ? Block floating right there.



Yellow Toad: Finally, home!



Mario: Look, Bowser’s castle! That’s great, because since teleporting us was-a-his master plan, we can make this a quick visit to defeat him and rescue Princess Peach!



Yellow Toad: Bowser’s castle? Oh yeah, I forgot she was captured.



Blue Toad: Well, we’d better make it quick!



Mario: Guys, I know we’ve all been through a lot today. If you want, you can sit this one out. I can handle it on my own.

Luigi and the Toads look at each other, then whisper. Quickly, they come up with an answer.

Blue Toad: We’re a team, remember? Us sticking together will make his castle a breeze, so we can shortly go home and sleep. Seriously, I’m still excited for Christmas Day tomorrow!



Luigi: We-a-got your back.



Mario: Thanks. Now, let’s-a-finish this!

They walk to Bowser’s castle. As they do, Luigi shares a thought.

Luigi: I still don’t know what that boy’s name is.



Yellow Toad: Are you seriously still thinking about that?



Luigi: A little bit. Guess I’ll-a-never know.

The End