Late diagnosis

I know that women in general get diagnosed late or not at all. I got my official diagnosis when I was 25. Once I told it to anyone who knew me for some time the reaction was "yeah that was pretty obvious xD why is it surprising to you?". I was furious because since I got diagnosed I started seeing all the things that I thought I was so clever to implement in my life to make it easier but all of them are adhd related. Couple of years ago I started seeing a lot of memes and tiktoks that referred to adhd and I was always like "that's literally me" and thought they are all exaggerating and it's not adhd but everybody has issues like that. This year I bought my first self help book for adhd and I kinda realized that through scrolling on social media (before it started to be just ragebaits) I've learned most of those things. It just pisses me of that if I had the knowledge of having adhd I would new where to look for to find advised and make it better sooner. Now I look back at all those years where I was struggling to keep my apartment clean, relationships and friendships ruined and wasted money on therapies for the wrong things... It was all adhd. I could've done better if I knew. I thought that I can't focus on studying because I don't try hard enough so I tried harder. Then I got meds at 25 and I had test of knowledge for my new job and it was so easy. Then I had almost exactly the same test for different position at the same place but I was out of meds for a week. It was so hard to do it I barely passed it. I saw that I needed to quadruple check every answer like I used to do in school. Wow. Others were just able to focus? So fucking unfair. But hey at least I got the job and finally finished college on meds.

But there is this one thing. All of the above is heavy but I mostly got over it. I was struggling with something I didn't understand and finally went to a psychiatrist at the age of 21. He immediately diagnosed me with PMDD and started prescribing me meds. That kinda help but not entirely. He started rising my dose and in the end he prescribed me with highly addictive and often heard to be used for s***de. Benzo...something. Sparing the details of it all.... I never went to see this doctor again.

Then after some crisis I went to therapy. That lady was seeing me for over a year. I quit while I realized she is not capable of helping me and she won't admit that. At one of the last visits I told her literally "I'm fucking trying and I don't understand why I suffer. I want to do something but I don't know what. Just tell me what I can do. You never tell me any advice other that sit with those emotions. I sit with those emotions since i can remember I know them. I just don't get why I feel this way and do I have to feel like this all the time. "

So now I know it was adhd. Living life with this knowledge makes more sense. Everything started to just work better. I now know how to do better. Finally