Is it okay? I need a Vision, please.

I’ve had a complicated mental-health journey in the past, with multiple diagnoses, medication changes, and a difficult period where I struggled deeply with myself. I’ve worked hard to move forward, and objectively, my life is much better today.

But when it comes to my appearance, my mind refuses to catch up.

I constantly feel like I’m still skinny, like my arms are shrinking despite working out. I can’t wear clothes unless they fit me in a very specific way, I feel ugly otherwise. I’ve never worn ethnic or formal clothes and have stuck to black and white for years. I compare myself to others all the time. I seek validation, but even when people say I look good, I can’t believe it and if I do, it only lasts briefly.

At home too, I rotate between just two outfits that make me feel acceptable. I’m scared to try new clothes because I’m convinced I’ll look bad. My body seems to be moving forward, but my mind is still stuck with an old image of me.

This affects my relationships as well. I struggle to trust that someone could truly love me. Even if they do, I question it, wondering why they would choose me when everyone else feels more attractive. I fear being left for someone better because I see myself as ugly.

I don’t notice flaws in others. When people complain about belly fat, I wish I had that. I wish I looked fuller. I have a deep, almost obsessive need to not be skinny.