I feel like I can’t win, Job wise.

I got a new job, it’s not amazing for someone my age but it was great for my mental health. It’s retail in a giant museum. I chose zero hours because my mental health has been bad and I felt like I needed some more control over what days I worked. At first it was great, the shifts were flowing, I couldn’t accept them all, I was doing four or five days a week. It was physically exhausting and I was aching at the end of everyday. But it was great for socialising. I’m so isolated here and I don’t really know anyone so I’ve been so desperate for human connection. I got to meet and talk to so many interesting arty people. Felt important again. I was getting there.

Just as I was feeling used to being there , and comfortable and confident and happy, the shift availability fell off a cliff. I’m devastated. My routine is gone and I’m back being at home feeling unemployed and extremely depressed. There’s nothing this week, maybe one next week? I feel so isolated again and there’s no explanation as to why I’ve suddenly lost out. I thought I was doing well? I’ve got major FOMO and feel really overwhelmed. I’m so exhausted and incredibly anxious. I feel like I’ve had the rug pulled from under me. I feel like I’ve been dumped and my anxiety is triggering ruminating thoughts and emotions.

It’s not fair