Conversation With Spouse?

Does anyone have conversations with their spouse about their dead bedrooms? We don’t. Not really. Not deeply. I know that my husband isn’t attracted to me. Most of the time I am able to carry on with my life holding on to the pain quietly. And then it can no longer be contained and I’m sobbing silently under the covers because I can’t reach over and touch my husband’s naked body while he lays on top of his covers and scrolls through his phone. He’s denied me years of touch, and intimacy, and vulnerability and I’m so pissed that I even want to touch him at all. He cheated on me. I found out in August of 2024. The woman he was cheating with moved to our city from Reno thinking they would be together. He took me to Vegas for my birthday that October. We were talking about some shit and he said, “please don’t be mad at me, but it’s your weight.” I of course got mad and walked away. He backtracked and talked about the things that were made difficult because of my weight, like walking long distances, and quickly. And I believed him. Not too long ago he told me the truth and I’ve been a shell of myself since. We don’t talk about it. He won’t. I know it’s because he doesn’t want to face what he has done. He’ll catch me crying, hug and hold me until I fall asleep and that’s it until the next time he catches me crying. I don’t even know how I have any tears left for this. I can’t leave. I have nowhere to go. I can’t afford my own place. We have two cats…which means, if I go, I have two cats. I don’t know what to do. I’m tired of crying.