I am done with all the bs life throws at me

i had:

No Good friends

No real Relationships (have an accidental relationship as the girl is... a bit out of her mind but says she loves me, i am quite conflicted)

No Love from people besides my parents

i am currently:

working 2 jobs and getting paid only 10000 for 52 hrs/week job

have 10000 rs loan already at the age of 19 since i wanted to start my own business

having only 8.02 cgpa

having so many bad decisions

dont have a will to live

i planned dying many times

just wanted some good friends who care about me

just want a girl that actually cares about me (and is atleast mentally stable)

i never asked to come to this world, its painful, human minds remember and contrast pain 3 times more efficiently than pleasure

i hate my body, tried gym but it aint my thing, i cannot stay consistent and disciplined as i find no reason for working so hard

i find life too volatile, i may not see tomorrow, i may not wake up tomorrow

i just need a reason to continue in this darkness, even if there is light, why should i pursue it

only thing keeping me alive are my parents and once they are no more, i will lose that will too